Is my girlfriend cheating on me for money?

I met this woman some months back when she had just moved from Kampala to set up business in my home town. Although we now live together, it seems she had a rich man in the city who had bought her the car she drives, built her a house and set up the businesses she runs both in the city and here. She never tells me where she invests the money. She also travels to the city often and I suspect she goes to see her other men. Some of my relatives and friends have advised me to end this relationship but is it the best solution? 

Issa.

Dear Issa,

This seems to be causing a lot of stress for you. Relationships can bring joy and happiness but they can also lead to pain or even chronic stress. There is no particular formula that shows how someone you love might treat you or behave. However, there are a few things that can help you ascertain if a relationship will work or not.

Some of these include trust and emotional intimacy. It is vital to feel safe and secure with your partner. It goes deeper by being able to rely on each other and even share deepest thoughts and fears.

If this aspect is missing in a relationship, it is likely that the couple will remain at the level of trivial talk and not discuss deeper issues that seem uncomfortable.  Reading your post above indicates you and your girlfriend have some work to do to make the relationship thrive. It is possible to redeem your relationship if you both agree to work towards it.

It also looks like you did not get enough time to speak about the relationship and learn more about each other. This has caused insecurity in your relationship and more so, loss of trust. I also want to let you know that you are not alone.

Many families struggle at some point in their relationship. This is at times due to unresolved past or present issues in the relationship.

Communication is the bedrock of a strong marriage. Open and honest communication allows spouses to share their thoughts, feelings, and needs. This transparency fosters trust and helps each partner understand the other’s perspective. By truly listening and empathising, couples can build a deeper emotional connection. This does not just happen unless couples are intentional about working hard to make it work.

Have an open conversation with your girlfriend. Set time aside and ask all these questions that are troubling you. Ask her about her past life before you met and where she spends her time in a non-confrontational way. Before you act upon the advice that your relatives are giving you, please first do your own due diligence. This will enable you make a personal judgment and make an informed decision.

If you try all the above methods and still nothing yields, please find a marriage counsellor who can give you and concerns and forge a way forward.

Reader advice

Have some control

Vincent Mwebesa. Call a spade a spade not a big spoon. You must have some level of control over her movements if she truly considers you her man. Tell her she needs to make up her mind and know where she lies.

Have an honest talk

James Esegu. Sit her down and talk to her, listen to her, observe her response and reaction to your discovery/suspicions and make them very clear to her. Do not look at her riches, otherwise you will have sold both body and soul. God loves you that is why you were able to get that information. Maybe He wants to get you out of the problem.

She is not for you

Liza Beth. That woman is not in your class. Try and find a woman in your league because she is using you as a past time the reason why why she does not include you in her plans.

Are you overreacting?

Gracious Noah Ngwabe. Try to talk to your girlfriend about what you feel for her before taking any quick decision. She is a businesswoman and usually,  she has to travel often to take care of business.

End the relationship

Allan Turinawe. Unless you want to be a prisoner for the remaining years of your life with her, go on with the relationship. Otherwise find a woman of your social status.

Work for your money

Renee Musgrave. According to the Bible, a man is the head of the family and you must act as such. Act as a man by working hard, and do not depend on her wealth. If you are really sure she is cheating on you, get a committed woman instead of one who is not truthful. She is wasting your time and also breaking your heart.

Look for the truth

Michael Lwanga. Stop making assumptions. She could be a business oman who works hard to make a living, the reason why she is always travelling to the city. Find the truth and it shall set you free.

Think twice

 Ernest Mwesige. If you had intentions of marrying her, I advise you to think twice.  You are even lucky that she does not demand money from you for her travels. As for other men, do not mind them; after all, you are not even married to her. However, protect yourself, especially when engaging in sexual intercourse with her.

Why tell your family?

Damalie Nana. This relationship is just months old. Did you have to tell your relatives about it in such detail that they are now deciding what you should do?

You are insecure

Martin Ssebyala. Why the rush? Someone you have seen in less than a year and you are insecure to the point of thinking she is cheating on you? You do not deserve her. In fact, break up with her immediately not because she is cheating but because you are a miserable, desperate, insecure person.

Evelyn Khorono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation