Your husband doesn’t take you out? Let’s find out why

Do you ever feel frustrated by your man’s insistence on leaving you at home regularly as he goes out? If you are like most, it probable makes you feel like he has fallen out of love with you. After all if he loved you (you reason), he wouldn’t be so against allowing you to tag along for fun.

You remember the two of you going out regularly when you had just met and throughout your dating. But things changed right about the time you started living together or after your first baby. Now he goes out alone. All the damn time. And it pisses you off. You assume that it must be because he no longer finds you as attractive. The truth is, none of this is necessarily true. His reasons are likely more noble than you assume. Below are the possible reasons why he doesn’t take you out as often as you would want him to:

Male code

One of the unwritten rules of the Male Code (I didn’t make this up, I swear) states that a man must never take his wife to a cheap pub for a night out. This group includes any pub that sells beer lower than Shs7,000, roughly.

As you may already know, most of the times that your man goes out in the evening, he ends up at a neighbourhood kafunda where beer sells at retail price. He frequents the place just to chill with the boys. The reason he doesn’t want you to tag along is because the kafunda is not the kind of place to take the mother of your children.

First of all, he doesn’t want to give you fodder for endless fights. How is that? This is where he meets his boys. The boys know a side of his that he’d kill to keep hidden from you, not because he’s a monster, necessarily, but simply for the sake of his male ego. Taking you there runs the risk of one of them running his mouth after a few drinks.

Plus he doesn’t trust some of the boys around you after a few drinks. He might be in the habit of joshing with them but that doesn’t necessarily mean that all of them are actual friends of his. Some of them are indiscriminate snipers, and he knows this. He’s simply protecting you.

It is also a way of protecting his masculine honour. Any pub where he worries about losing his side mirrors to petty thieves, he worries about losing you to city crooks. Because such a pub lacks the exclusivity that puts your man’s heart at peace. The crowd at a cheap pub is too random and too unpredictable.

While he may go out regularly, he doesn’t like you to tag along because he can’t afford to take you to a pub that is worthy of you, darling. That is partly why he takes you out only once in a long time. To a fancier place. Because to him, taking you out is probably a big deal. It is a chance to rekindle the love that glued you together in the first place. So he has to be careful where he takes you. But, of course, he won’t bring himself to explain this to you.

Are you a nag?

The biggest factor behind a successful night out is friendship. It brings a certain vibe to the night. Problem is, many couples who have lived together for any considerable amount of time tend to run low on friendship even when they love each other.

One of the reasons friendships fizzle down in long- term relationships, we can all agree, is nagging. It also goes without saying that nagging is vastly a woman’s thing. It is simply one-sided. Probably because women naturally tend to be more talkative than men, at least in relationships, some of that speech ends up nagging him. Many women probably don’t even know that they are nagging because they are just being their talkative selves, or wanting to talk through everything to their conclusive end. Or trying to find a way forward there and then.

While this may be an innocent effort on your part to cultivate a healthy relationship, it may achieve the opposite result over a long period of time. It may slowly build a wedge in your friendship until he no longer wants to hang out with you. In fact, this may be the reason he goes out every evening by himself; to stay away from the nagging for as long as possible.

But we both know you alone know how to turn it around. Men are simple creatures. Stop nagging. Rebuild the friendship and he will warm to the idea of taking you dancing as often as you want him to. And most importantly, remember to be sexy.