Satire: Amuriat to join Besigye’s new party

In recent months, Besigye has kept a low profile. In fact, he seemed to have gone missing like Balaam’s orange shirt.

And we missed him. Because his political courage is akin to how Hamas has gone eye-to-eye with Israel to ensure that America would Blink(en). 

If running for the presidency came with a Ballon d’Or award, he would be a four-time winner. 

Now he might be at the helm of a new party, a party that might relegate the Forum for Democratic Change (FDC) members to the bench.

Bobi Wine, the leader who always makes Museveni see red, has advised Besigye not to fear Mukula, who, being trained as a pilot, represents the flight in the “fight or flight” hormone otherwise known as adrenaline.

When asked about Mukula and his potential cowardice, Besigye was rather philosophical. 

“Is it possible the impossible happens with what’s possible? Possibly,” he said. 

Hmmm...

Anyway, if Besigye’s party springs cougar-like into being, it will be the 27th party registered by the Electoral Commission. This, according to NRM pundits, is a good thing. Since it took 27 men to launch the Bush War and when the NRM came to power in 1986, Salim Saleh was 27 years old. 

Plus, 27 is musician Luzinda’s eternal age.

To make matters worse, Besigye is 68 years old and if you say this number backwards, you get ‘86…the year Besigye and his fellow bush warriors came to power. 

So you see, age is not just a number. It is proof that Museveni’s days are numbered. 

However, it will not be a walk in the park as it is believed that Amuriat is planning to join Besigye’s new party. According to impeccable sources which do not know what the word impeccable means, Amuriat is eyeing the presidency of the new party. 

Mpuuga, the man with 500 million reasons to smile, also wants to join as party treasurer.  

Amuriat, our sources say, already has a party card even before the party has been formed owing to the fact that Kiggundu is slated to be the chairperson of the new party’s electoral commission. 

When Besigye was asked about Kiggundu’s party card, he said that was normal. 

“In fact, we would be surprised if he did not have the party card,” he said. 

“Kiggundu is an expert at getting what is not his…that is how he got me to lose to all those elections.”

On that note, Besigye announced that the party will be called Reform Agenda Season Two.

He explained that FDC will only have Season One since it is a freak show that Ugandans stopped watching long ago. 

But, he added, regrettably, that the party will not be mole-free. That is because in politics there are those who are moles, those who are bigger moles and finally those who are molest. 

And the State always choses to molest parties, so there is no way they can remove the most senior moles from politics. 

Mzee, when contacted, said more parties are a sign that NRM is democratic and said he longed for the day when there as many parties as there are birthdays in Uganda. 

That would be more than 46 million parties. 

“Yes, it would then be parte after parte…Parte after parte and Balaam will not be idle as he promotes Another Rap via Big Trill,” he admitted. 

The opportunity of promoting spectacle over substance is the perfect opportunity to divert Ugandans from their problems as they would be too busy partying to attempt regime change. 

It is a brilliant ploy. 

Indeed, it would be a ploy that would make the Opposition point to their heads, Tamale Mirundi-like, as they shouted the initials of the words “My Turn” (MT). 

Then NRM could rule even into the afterlife, which is bathed in I-have-seen-the-light-and-it-must-be-NRM yellow.