Maybe we should stop pretending and just legalize corruption

Some have argued for a while now, that corruption is the glue that holds the sitting government together. Take it away and the thing will collapse. It is hard to argue against that viewpoint because what would the alternative theory be? A friend who used to work in government once told me how a newly appointed cabinet minister got introduced to official corruption. Apparently, for a couple of months after the Minister’s appointment, public complaints about the quality of services became too loud to ignore.

So, the Minister put out feelers to find out what was going on. When his people reported back, it was far from what he had imagined. It turns out that his coming in had closed the taps so no one was eating. The delays and drop in standards were an internal scheme devised by saboteurs.

It was a coded message to him. “Open the taps or we shall continue to make you look bad.” “How?” He asked. He was then taken through a crash course on how to feast on taxpayers’ money. The plot started with submitting an obscenely inflated budget to Finance, where the guys there would approve it because they had a share of it to take home.

Then when the budget got to Parliament, it would also get passed without much scrutiny because those wheels would have been greased as part of the process. When the money eventually came in, whatever portion of it that was supposed to be eaten would be dealt with accordingly.

The next step would be accountability and audit. The guys in charge of this would also have been factored into the budget so the audit would give the Ministry a clean bill of health. When the audit report showed up at Parliament a few months later, the Committee Members, having already been taken care of, would give it a pass. And the beat goes on.

“This is what happens?” The Minister asked, stunned. “Yap,” they responded and added that he needed not to worry about getting stained because everyone along the chain would have been taken care of. This is why the Speaker’s threats to sue a newspaper for alleging that government agencies bribed her Members of Parliament to save them from being merged should be taken with a sack of salt.

 Nobody believes, especially her. The current parliament by composition and conduct is the most brazenly and tactlessly corrupt House on record. What is interesting though is that unlike the bureaucrats, many politicians do not steal for self-enrichment. Otherwise, they wouldn’t fall on such hard times when their constituents eject them at the next round of voting or once the appointing authority is done using them.

They do it to win the next election. To donate to fundraisers at local churches, schools, weddings, and burials, to pay school fees, etc. One or two might build a small ugly hotel here, an apartment block there, or even invest in say a school but that’s usually it. The loot is usually invested in fending off the opposition – which, based on the over 60% attrition rate, is not a very clever investment.  The reason why whatever they grab is put into voter subsidies is because the government is largely dysfunctional and unable to deliver services. So, instead, the politicians operate as a quasi-government.

This is where the gravity of the matter is for Uganda. Without a government that meets its end of the bargain, there will be no way to get rid of political corruption. And if you look around, you don’t see any signs that things are about to get better for the majority, which can only mean one thing – corruption must thrive.

The President knows it, cultural institutions know it, the Imams, Sheikhs, Pastors, Reverends, and Priests know it, the courts know it, donors and development partners know it, and those in government know it as well as the ones in opposition do. Everyone uses it to serve their interests, yet continues to pretend and pussyfoot around the subject – which serves no purpose.

Private contractors who deal with the government will tell you that this is typically how it works. They have learned to factor corruption into their quotations and invoices to make whatever marginal profit they can. The Government recently announced plans to teach anti-corruption in Primary and Secondary Schools. Those who know how Uganda works will tell you to just wait and see.

Mr Rukwengye is the founder, Boundless Minds. @Rukwengye