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Why parents should spend more time with their children
What you need to know:
- One of the top regrets, especially from men is that they wished they hadn’t worked so hard, then would they find quality time to spend with their children and spouses.
Recently, I read an eye-opening article in The Guardian titled Top five regrets of the dying.
Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse, spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients who were near the end of their lives.
She recorded their dying realisations in a blog called Inspiration and Chai and later published a book titled The top five regrets of the dying.
One of the top regrets, especially from men is that they wished they hadn’t worked so hard, then would they find quality time to spend with their children and spouses.
The article reminded me of a conversation I had with a Ugandan-retired accountant last year.
We were attending a training, and during lunchtime, had a candid conversation on several things, and somehow, he brought up his family.
He told me most of his career, he was busy working very hard, travelling within, and outside Uganda making money, and hardly spent any time with his five children (three boys and two girls) and wife.
Though he was able to provide for them the best way he knew how, and they have turned out successful, something he is proud of, there is a missing link.
He missed out on a number of their milestones as they were growing up. He wasn’t present to see them off to school, he was hardly present for any family meals, and he never played with them, or helped them do their school homework.
He admitted that there is no unique bond between him and his children. This could have been an innocent mistake he didn’t know would come back to haunt him in his evening years, he thought it was all about providing for their needs.
Now retired, and with a lot of time on his hands, he wishes to spend more of this time in the company of his children and grandchildren, but is not getting much of that.
He says his sons hardly call him, it is only the daughters that make an effort to reach out and check on him.
Meanwhile, the sons call their mother regularly whom they formed a strong bond with as children.
During our conversation, he mentioned the word regret four times, noting that he regrets not spending quality time with his children when they were growing up.
And now, he feels it’s too late to turn the tide.
Whenever he invites them to come home for family catch-ups, they say they are very busy, so they hardly bring their children to spend quality time with their grandparents. But when the sons come around, they are more in the company of their mother than him.
As a parent(s), what lesson do you draw from this man’s predicament?
Working is a good thing, and as a parent/guardian, you must work to provide for your child.
But where do you draw the line. As a parent, you must find a balance between work and your family, especially children.
They need your time, attention, and active involvement during their formative years. Yes, you may have a demanding job, but you have to make an effort. Don’t put too much focus on your job and ignore your family.
Parents, mostly fathers, this is a humble appeal to you. This year, be intentional in spending quality time with your children. You will see remarkable results.
Studies have shown that children who have involved and engaged fathers have higher self-esteem, better social skills, and are more confident.
Furthermore, children who are spending more quality time with their families are less likely to participate in risky behaviours such as drug and alcohol usage.
Dear readers, I wish you all the best in 2024.
Vivian Agaba, journalist, and consultant writer
