Back seat driver: Crisis meeting

About a month and a half ago, a baby girl was added to our family. A little human being with small beady eyes that likes to sleep all day so she has enough reserve energy to power through the whole night, wide awake. The toddler and I have been watching her from a distance because her mother has like a hundred rules for being around the baby. Like wash your hands before carrying her, not making noise like we please, and not bringing colds and coughs home. In a nutshell impossible rules.

So the toddler and I have been best friends over this duration because we do not put such stipulations on each other to hang out. We just accept each other as we are. So last week I called a meeting with the toddler that was long overdue. We needed to strategise on this latest family addition that was sure to shake things up. I took the toddler’s hand and we went downstairs outside the Askari’s little house. That is the only place to hold a secret meeting because man there are too many ears and eyes in the house and not enough space.

“So kiddo.” I begun. “I think you have realised that the ratio of men to women in the house is now 2:2. This means that we as men are finished. You see women are very sneaky and smart.” I said while pointing a finger at my head. “Take for instance before the birth of your sister the ratio was 2:1, yet I can bet you your mother was in full control of the house. She had me under a guise that I as the big kahuna I was in control but if you think about it soberly the woman controlled everything. If we are not careful we shall be watching Kardashians and knitting pink sweaters along with these women all day.”

The toddler was playing with a red plastic dinosaur toy thoroughly engrossed in it. “How can you be so nonchalant about a situation so dire?” I demanded as I pulled the silly red dinosaur from his hand. And which dumb toy maker paints a dinosaur red? I wondered examining the plastic animal critically. Then I remembered the dire situation at hand and refocused. I went on and on for another twenty minutes before closing the meeting. It is hard holding a meeting with a member who does not understand the full gravity of the situation at hand. To put it simply the men in the Kawalya household are totally finished.