Embracing the learning curve

A story is told of how someone watched as a butterfly metamorphosed from one stage into another. They watched the struggle and decided to make life easier for the butterfly.
Immediately they were done helping, the little creature fell on the side and died. Why? Metamorphosis is the process by which the butterfly changed from one stage of growth to the next. The butterfly has to go through the process and anything short of that destroys its life. That is how it was created. Both of my children have very strong mindsets but the younger one seems to take it a notch higher. Interestingly, when he was much younger and still sucking his thumb, he was always quiet and somewhat withdrawn.

The recent years have, however, seen him metamorphose into another person, significantly independent, self-driven and argumentative. There was a time I actually felt this side of him was extreme.
Recently he had three school projects to work on. It appeared he was significantly behind schedule and I asked his older sibling to help him. Because the two behave like oil and water, I specifically requested that they put aside all their rumblings and fights and work together to help the young one.
Just like political parties attempting to work together, the coalition didn’t last too long. Eventually, the older child gave up and walked away to do her own things. The younger child who hadn’t liked the idea of working with big sister shrugged her off with disdain. I watched him work hard all by himself.

I had to restrain myself. Often as I watched from the sidelines, I could see gaps and areas where he could work better. The key lesson for me was to develop the ability to stand by and let the child grow his own muscle, his own tenacity and thinking without coming in to help and in the process jeopardise his growth and development.
It took a lot of understanding on my part not to interject, save for the moments when he had to ask for help. I had to almost bite my tongue not to speak. I guess my own muscles were being developed too.

Eventually, the projects were completed. He had gotten some help along the way but overall, he did a big chunk of it himself. He was keen and committed and I could understand his sense of accomplishment once he handed in his work.
He recently cooked a meal. You should have seen him beam with glee at the reality that we were eating his rice, the rice he had made all by himself from start to finish without much help. This is indeed a growing and learning curve.