How to take care of an orphan

Death is a tragedy that we all know exists but are scared of. You might never feel its intensity until it robs you of the one you love. Death alone wouldn’t be the thing that scares us the most but the emptiness it leaves in our hearts that might never be filled.
As we all plan for our families, we never know what will befall our loved ones when we are gone. A situation where the parents die leaving behind helpless children is catastrophic. Some children are taken up by close relatives while others are left alone to figure out how to survive on their own. In a situation where you are required to lend a helping hand; raise children of your deceased sister, brother or friend. It might seem like a smooth journey but it’s a tough task.

Facing the loneliness
A child who has just lost a parent is delicate. He/ she is battling with more than you can ever imagine, the loneliness and the thought that they will never see their parents ever again is heartbreaking.

One child shared at a graduation, “When my parents died in a car accident, I never knew what it meant until all the sweet speeches given at the burial faded away and the many people who had come for burial left. It dawned on me that we are alone in this world and all the people who had come for burial had done it for our parents not necessarily us the children. Our grandmother stayed and tried to bridge the gap, but it was not the same. As time went by, I forgot the numerous people who attended the burial but I remember the only person who stayed when everyone had left.” She spoke as she thanked her grandmother.

If you take on a niece, nephew, friend’s child or any other child who has just lost a parent, take time to study their personality/ character. Some children can reconcile with the loss after a week or a month whereas others can take longer.

How to raise an orphan
Melbe Twiine, a Counsellor at Compassion International, says orphans are delicate; anything can open the wound.

“In the many years I have spent dealing with orphans and abandoned children. I have realised that an abandoned child has hope of seeing their parents some time but an orphan has lost hope and thus they are hard to deal with,” she explains. Twiine adds, “I personally fear to hurt an orphan, when I accidentally say or do something that might hurt them, I apologise fast before the word penetrates. Do not allow an orphan to think deeply about some bad things or statements told to them by either a teacher or any other person.”

Avoid showing sides
Treat all children the same. It is hard to balance love but if you are to help that child, you must make sure they are not alienated by either your children or spouse

Own the child
Make the child your own, the way you would treat your child. If he or she is young, let them call you mummy or daddy. Don’t let them feel the difference between your own child and them.

Do not try to replace their parents
Much as it is okay for them to call you mummy or daddy, do not force them to do so if they do not feel the same. Some children do not want to feel like you are taking away their parents’ position. “There’s always a hole in each orphan’s heart, do not try to force yourself,” the counsellor advises.

Take them to a counsellor
Some children are too buried in loneliness that they might fail to open up regardless of what you do to bring them close. “In this case, Patrick Mwase, a psychologist, at Makerere School of Psychology says, “you could take another step of taking the child to a professional counsellor. They have a way of penetrating through the dark hidden rooms of the heart.”

Things you should never tell an orphan
Avoid anything that might drive them into thinking about the past. If you choose to talk about their late parents, do not talk ill about them, just share the sweet memories only. A child is only interested in keeping the sweet memory not the bad.
Do not be mean to them, if you cannot help an orphan, do not hurt them. Truth is, no one chooses to be an orphan. Sometimes they might joke about it but be careful not to go on that path especially if your parents are still alive.