I am seeing someone - Fatboy

Friday April 25 2014

James Onen, better known as Fatboy, makes no

James Onen, better known as Fatboy, makes no apologies for his different religious views or disinterest in marriage. Photo by Abubaker Lubowa. 

By Esther Oluka

About three weeks back, you engaged in a verbal feud with Bebe Cool on Facebook. What is going on between you two?

He and some other local musicians were accusing DJs of not supporting them by not playing their music. I was baffled. I could not comprehend how they could be so ungrateful. I also felt they had a serious misunderstanding of how the industry works and so I responded. Bebe Cool in turn responded by insulting me. I then insulted him back. That is kind of how it went.

You sound like he actually hurt your feelings?
Yes, he did. We help and support these artistes a lot. It was like a slap in the face to hear them complain.

So, what is your description of beauty in a woman?
She is one with a smooth skin, big hips, dazzling smile and luscious boobs.
Does our very own Stacey Aamito, Africa’s next top model, meet your standards of beauty?

Beauty, or rather one’s perception of it, is subjective. I just do not find her attractive. I am being honest. I am sure she makes a great model, but she does not meet my criteria for beauty. By the way, none of this is really relevant to her winning. It is just that everyone was going on and on about how supposedly beautiful she was. I simply did not agree. I congratulate her for winning the modelling contest though. Good for her.

Do you consider yourself handsome?
Not really. I would say I am a one out of ten.

Are you seeing anyone at the moment?
Yes, I am, but I am not going to disclose anything more about her. I prefer keeping details about my relationship private.
Word around is that you are slated to walk a Rwandan beauty down the aisle soon.
My views on marriage are well known to everybody, so the question is redundant.

Please refresh our minds; what are your views on marriage again?
I do not believe in marriage. It is an outdated institution.

Don’t you think that it is about time you settled down and started a family of your own?
I am already settled. I have a good job, big television, cool videogames, great books, a stable internet connection and more money than I know what to do with, with no direct dependants thus far. I am not complaining. Ironically, my married friends are less “settled” than me. Most of them have multiple girlfriends, some even have children out of wedlock, many are in bars till the wee hours of the morning, and are frequently broke.
To add insult to injury, even though they have wives, it is essentially housemaids that are running their homes and raising their children. They are miserable. And you call this being settled? Hahahaha, no thanks.

How many children would you like to have?

You plan to have them with your video games, loads of money or your big television?
With a suitable woman, of course. Some day.

Why do you hate the weave-ons so much?
How would you feel if you saw a man with an artificial beard stuck to his face? Now imagine if the beard that was stuck to his face once belonged to someone else, would you still find it appealing, or would you in fact be disgusted? Now imagine if this man had to wear this on his face for weeks at a time, would you not freak out? And that is why a lot of other men and I do not like weaves on women either.

What if you fell for a girl who loves wearing them?
She would be told not to wear weaves that is if she is still interested in being with me.

When did you become an atheist?
It was a gradual process. I kept thinking about the issues and researching on the matter, and over time, my faith faded. Around 2000 is when I began identifying as an atheist.

So, what do you believe in?
Probably everything you believe in, except any notion of a God. Look, we all want to know how everything began. The difference between me and a religious person is that I do not purport to know the answer, nor am I willing to settle for a particular answer just because it makes me feel happy.

I would rather leave the question open until I have sufficient evidence to decide. As it is, the evidence presented to me so far does not convince me that there are gods of any kind in existence, including the Judeo-Christian one. Conversely, I have found that there is a lot of evidence that shows that gods do not exist. Hence I am an atheist.

What do you think about most of today’s Ugandan women?
I think they are misguided and brainwashed. The same is true of men as well, sadly. There is a lot of confusion regarding human courtship and relationships, and I am a person that is keenly interested in exploring this and sharing the honest truth about it. That said; our women are beautiful and kind. I appreciate them a lot.

Tit bits
Tell us a bit about yourself?
I was born in 1975. I speak English and Japanese. I love video games and studied philosophy. I am a radio presenter, writer, blogger and podcaster.

Your views on Juliana Kanyomozi, the local artiste, and Princess Ruth Komuntale of Tooro.
If it is about the person in general, I would say Juliana is mature, talented and beautiful. I have known her for over 15 years. She seems to make poor dating choices though, from what I can see, and I think that is unfortunate. She attracts too many losers. As for Princess Komuntale, she still seems childish to me, like a spoilt brat. She still seems to have a lot of growing up to do.

What kind of women do you easily fall for?
The kind that is caring, responsible, pleasant and attractive.
What has been your worst date experience so far? When was this and what happened?
In 2004, we were supposed to meet at a restaurant for lunch. She was late so I ordered. She showed up an hour later completely drunk. She overturned my plate and poured my food on the table. The reason was because I did not wait for her to arrive before ordering. That was so messed up and it was the last time I went out on official dates.
What is your ideal kind of date?
I do not go out on dates anymore. The whole idea is outdated. If I like someone, we hang out together a few times and see what happens. Dates are too formal for the modern era. I actually think most people no longer do dates in the traditional form that we used to do them. People now just hang out for a bit, sex happens, then they see what to make of it thereafter. From my observations, that is how people in Kampala seem to be operating these days.
What puts you off in a woman?
Pride, arrogance, belligerence and weaves.

Which Ugandan female celebrity do you have a crush on and why?
Currently none. I reserve my affections for civilians.