Parenting: Presence is paramount in parenting

The clip has been doing the rounds. A father is facilitating a session with men and they are tackling the sensitive issue of handling teenagers.

I don’t quite recall experiencing challenges out of raising a two year old toddler but I must admit I wasn’t quite prepared to deal with the interesting phase a parent goes through when raising teenagers.

No one prepared me for the erratic mood swings, for the test in obedience and the fact that a parent might be required to say the same thing over and over and over and over again. The same thing!

No one mentioned that individuals would suddenly become allergic to taking showers or that they’d develop an art of being in the shower and yet not shower.

Watching the clip was moving. One couldn’t help but cringe with sadness as this father questioned his parenting style and skills because his 14year old had taken his own life.

One parent wondered how a parent would know when to be engaged if the child often said they were fine.
There’s that ‘fine’ which everyone gives even when they are not fine, simply put, ‘I’m fine!’

How do you deal with the moods?! Often times the moody child is the one needing most attention and yet it can be quite exasperating giving attention to a moody person?!

You will ask your once bubbly child, ‘how are you?’ And the cutting response will be, ‘fine!’ ‘How was school today,’ expecting a bit of a story and you’ll get the same cut response, ‘fine!’

Usually that alone will send the parent to fend for more pressing needs and yet that fine was probably not fine?
And how is the parent supposed to know the difference?

History teaches that the simple answer is in being present, persistent and committed. There will be clues and hints you’ll only pick by being present; consistently present.

The worst feeling in the world is the feeling of regret and because I really hate the feeling of regret, I’ll make a lot of effort to be present.