Simon’s problem

Saturday September 7 2019


By Mark Kawalya

“She is not picking my calls anymore.” Simon said to Robert and I. “That’s the story of your life man.” Robert responded waving a hand in Simon’s direction. “Yeah tell us something we already don’t know.”

I added making a face as Simon glared at both of us. The way our friendship works is that when one of us has a problem, the other parties gang up on you and laugh about it. We were at Robert’s place last Sunday after many months of not meeting. Robert’s wife was away on some errands.

Simon proceeded to tell us that he had forgotten this girl friends birthday and now she was acting up? “You did what?” I asked as I whistled loudly you know trying to be dramatic and stuff. I told him that there was a hierarchy of don’ts in relationships the key being never to forget your woman’s birthday.

“Yeah, it’s kind of like forgetting her name, “Robert added. Simon and I stared at Robert in silence because the man gives the most absurd examples. How you forget your woman’s name is something I don’t have the energy to comprehend.
Anyway, we suggested a number of things to Simon that could help him get out of his quagmire.

He took those in stride but said there was only one little problem. “When she asked how could I forget her birthday, I panicked and told her I had been kidnapped.”

We paused for a moment then burst into laughter with Robert slapping his knee and throwing his head back. “Dude your life has more katemba than a Mexican soap.” Robert added as he laughed harder. “Man this guy has zibs.”


I said while shaking my head in disbelief. We asked Simon how he convinced these imaginary captors to conveniently release him after his woman’s birthday. He told us he was just unlucky in love and Robert told him plainly that he was a fool. Simon just sat there looking pathetic.

“Send her flowers with a note.” I offered feeling bad for the chap. I’m told women cannot resist a nice bouquet of flowers.

“Maybe I can send her a gift basket with apples and those fancy orange oranges and wine.” Simon added. “Just flowers will do.” Robert said Those gift basket things are so overdone nowadays. Besides if you want to buy fruits you can bring those for us all to eat the next time you guys come around.”