Would you let your neighbour discipline your child?

Growing up in a community where my mother was known by almost everyone in the entire village always felt like someone was watching over me.

I knew all our neighbours by their names, where they stayed and what they did. In fact, we drew water from the same spring, collected firewood as a group, went to the same school and church and this somewhat felt like one big family.
But not when I did something wrong because they did not have the patience to wait for my parents to discipline me. I was beaten severally by our village neighbours either for delaying to go home, fighting or any other unbecoming behaviour.

This made me uncomfortable and somehow I grew up to hate some neighbours because each time I strayed, they would either discipline me or report me to my mother. At the time, I thought they were idle, nosey and assuming responsibilities that were meant for my parents. But in hindsight, I have grown to appreciate the merit of their intervention in child upbringing. Today, the story is different. Time have changed so much so that children grow up in neighbourhoods where they do not care to know the neighbours children’s names. In fact, many children are kept indoors as a way of protecting them from strangers who can harm them. You must weigh your options before attempting to discipline a neighbour’s child.
Would you let your neighbour discipline your child? Under what circumstances would you let that happen?

Monica Lubega, a mother of three, says a neighbour may exercise restraint in disciplining children because they do not know how their parents would react.
“In the past, we had neighbours that were settled in real homes with families but today it’s hard to find a proper homestead. The people we call neighbours are settled in rentals and we hardly know who they are. That is why I would prefer someone to report my child’s misbehaviour to me before taking any personal decision to discipline them,” she says.
Back then, families generally knew each other’s values, and there was a shared sense of right and wrong as far as child upbringing was concerned. Adults felt free to dole out discipline whenever they thought it was necessary.

Closeness matters
Annet Mbabazi, a mother of two, thinks the relationship one has with their neighbours determines whether one can discipline a child or not. She explains that not all parents will be happy at the news that a neighbor is questioning their children on the way they are behaving.
“When it comes to disciplining someone else’s child, I would not just intervene, especially if I am not close friends with them. I might be doing the right thing, but end up offending the parent. Not many parents want to accept that their children are ill-mannered,” she says.
She says when parents of children within a neighbourhood have been friends for some time, they attain some level of trust and understand the behaviour or parenting style each family upholds.

She says some children are fragile and are born with a number of complications. Disciplining children whose health history you may not know and without the parents’ consent might land one in trouble. It is against this background that Mbabazi advises people to tread carefully in matters of discipline, unless the child’s behaviour is too dangerous.
“Every parent’s rules and expectations of behaviour are different. If you have a problem with a child, talk to the parent. Let the parent discipline their children no matter how concerned you are about their unbecoming behavior,” she says.
Would you let your neighbour discipline your child? Under what circumstances would you let them that happen?

When the cause is reasonable
Cissy Najjingo, a family counsellor, believes that by the time a neighbour disciplines another person’s child, there must be a reason for doing so. She says: “For example, if it is your child that is always stealing from the neighbours, uttering bad words, teaching ill manners to children within the neighbourhood, it makes it reasonable enough for a neighbour to intervene.”
She, however, says disciplining another person’s child should be preceded with talks between both parents. “When you talk to the child’s parents, express concern about the effects their children’s behaviour has on them and other children and be open to feedback.”

Set limits
“We have seen parents confront each other in the presence of their children over one disciplining another’s child. This is not right. Siding with your child when they are in wrong only builds their ego which can be disastrous in the long run,” says Catharina Natukuda, a children’s counsellor at JOY Medical Centre.
Natukuda says discipline is no longer a community collaborative effort considering that most parents today are private and are not ready to admit that their children are capable of making mistakes. This in a way, limits their neighbours from intervening in family issues.
She says: “We cannot protect our children from everybody and everything, which is why it is important to at times let your neighbours watch over your child and listen each time they have something to say,” Natukuda advises.