I can still hear him sizzling with anger. I hear myself equally boiling with fury.
I was shaking although until now, I’m not sure what was causing the standoff. I could have harbored so much anger on the inside or I was simply terrified of him.
He had just had a mega fight with his eldest brother. I remembered that experience as I contemplated on how best to calm a heated fight between the two children.
The younger child had come desperately because he felt bullied by the older sibling.
Many years later, I remembered my own fight with an older sibling and I could relate with his frustration. Yet as a parent, it is absolutely essential that I look at both sides of the prevailing battle.
Previously, we had had a heated session attempting to dissolve a similar situation. I had set the parameters by which we would move forward but the older onr isn’t a child who will abide by all rules.
So we hit what felt like a dead end and I decided we were not going to have another loud exchange at 4am in the morning. I invited the younger child to put his head near my pillow so we could make the most of the morning sleep with the clear intention of resolving the problem later.
Of course, he was not amused and it took a lot of explanation before he said, ‘she can be so annoying’. I fully understood his predicament, but wisdom teaches us how to lose the battle but win the war!
At the end of the day, this parent is raising both children regardless. There is room to see matters from both the older and younger children’s angles. The parent must move past the linear place of simply seeing matters from only one side to the place of seeing the broader picture.
How should two individuals coexist with each other regardless of their differences? How do you live in each other’s space amicably? Is it even possible to live different lives and yet be in the same space? How do we agree to disagree? What about mutual respect?
What consideration does one have for the other so that by exercising one’s freedom they don’t abuse the freedom of another? The journey continues with lessons
May God help us!