Making finger-licking chicken

Sunday January 22 2012

By Peter Kakoma

This column is entirely about making you a well-rounded being. This means covering your appearance, your accent, stopping you from picking your nose, letting you in on what your workmates/classmates are saying behind your back and also giving you some vital skills.

Today, like we’ve done before, we go into furthering your culinary skills. Your colleagues shouldn’t only be wowed when you say “Hey guys and girls, I know a sure-fire way that the SOPA and PIPA debacles can be resolved. Also, the Iran stand-off can be dealt with by…” They should also be wowed when you say “Listen-up guys and girls, I know I don’t look the part but I know how to prepare Espanooza Brugeli Mantozzo. I learnt by reading By The Way in Sunday Monitor.

Since that cat’s already out of the bag, it won’t hurt to re-iterate what we are going to learn how to prepare today. Espanooza Brugeli Mantozzo. As the name suggests, yes, it contains chicken. That name also hints that there should be mushrooms involved. To bring the chicken to tenderness (in culinary terms because strictly speaking, what are the chances that you’ll find an emotionally tender chicken?), it is essential that you chase it.

Chase the chicken, past the flower garden, out the gate, through Mzee Kakulu’s elephant grass, back into your fence, past the kennel, past the children stealing guavas, past the food on the sigiri, till it tires and surrenders.

Because the dish we are preparing contains mushrooms, it is essential that the chicken you’ve been chasing surrenders in a mushroom garden. If it doesn’t, let it go. Go chase another chicken.

Ingredients

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Tender chicken that surrendered in a mushroom garden
Salt
2 shots of Gilbeys

Directions
•Chicken captured (as detailed in the run-up above), pluck its feathers, cut it open and remove all the parts that we don’t eat. Then cut it into generous pieces
•Warm some oil and when it starts to stink-up the house, drop the chicken pieces in it together with several mushrooms, three tablespoons of salt, one whole onion, two whole tomatoes and a touch of vinegar.
•Wait till the chicken turns alpha golden brown then remove it.
•The shots of Gilbeys were for you. Drink them
•Nutritional Information (Amount Per Serving): Calories: Enough to make you a kick-boxer.

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