BY THE WAY: Eat your meal first, here’s why

Sunday April 8 2012

By Peter Kakoma

Easter’s here. It is an amazing time to send some of the carbohydrates floating around in world to the lower part of your belly. It is also a great time to spend time on urbanlegendkampala.com. You can also use this time to re-evaluate the unrealistic goals you set at the beginning of the year. At this point in the year, you know for sure that “to be a better person” isn’t working out; we know that you put laxatives in your neighbour’s dog food. “To drink less” isn’t going too well since we know about that time you drove into your gate at home. Today however, the message I have been instructed to bring to you is one that should have been delivered on the day we got independence. I bring hardcore facts on mealtime; why you should eat your meat first (as opposed to saving it for last):

Hawks may swoop in and take your meat
You might be in a cozy restaurant, with nice jazz tunes playing in the background, carefully doing justice to all the greens on your plate and saving the meat for last. Keep this in mind;
Fact one: When its meal time, a hawk several meters off the ground can see a tiny mouse on the ground.
Fact two: That hawk in fact one can see your meat. It can swoop in and take it; that would be tragic. Why should a hawk take the meat you have paid top-shilling for? It probably won’t enjoy the meat anyway. Or maybe it will. But the point is it didn’t pay for it. There is also the small issue about whether there are actually hawks in Uganda. Homework

A strike may break out
Given how many strikes we hear breaking out in this country on a daily, there is a finite possibility that one may break out before you get to swallow your meat. Tear gas. Running. Chaos. Mayhem. No meat. It stands to reason that you eat your meat first. Do it now

The waiter may spill a drink on you and then spill said drink in your food
Customer care being what it is in this country, the waiter may slip and add inedible contents to your plate. Like the Guinness meant for the guy in the dark corner. So eat your meat first.

- kakomap@gmail.com

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