BY THE WAY: Determine your nickname today

Sunday April 15 2012

By Peter Kakoma

All those who were cool in school have had a nickname or two. Many times however, nicknames are chosen for us without seeking our consent (so are our real names but that’s not the issue here). But is it right? Should you be ok with being called ‘Porno’ your entire life? How would you feel if I told you that it is possible to determine your nickname? Wouldn’t you want to look me up and pay me top dollar for this information? No worries; I’ll proceed, here and now, to give you the information free of charge. I’ll still take the top dollar though; my number is +256 (0) 7. I hope the editor leaves that bit intact. So, onto the nicknames you should ask your friends to call you.

Fly
If you are Greek and you’ve recently landed in the country and you are still at the airport, in the terminal, feet in the air, reading this paper, and your name is Flypopocus, then you could convince your friends to call you Fly. Think about it.

You walk into a bar “Hey Fly, long time man” (fist thump)
Your boss is recommending you for a promotion “This young man here is Fly. Give him the promotion”
Your friend is complementing you “My Fly friend doesn’t walk to work”

Flu
For you the young, driven, hungry, sometimes sweet, sometimes angry Aussie called Florence Ursula, insist that your friends call you Flu. Think of all the awesome things that would come from having that as your nickname.
Your friend warning another friend “Say that one more time and I’ll send Flu your way”

Poo
If you are Russian, and you like Vodka and you are reading this off the internet, and your name is Poopchoski, then you need to re-brand. Tell your friends you want to be called Poo. Short. To the point. Think about all the good things that would be a direct result of your amazing nickname
You are at the pool, swimming, working up a sweat and your friend, at the poolside, is asked whether he’d like to swim “No, I don’t. There’s Poo in the pool”

kakomap@gmail.com

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