Armed with her enormous bag

Do you see that woman lugging around an enormous handbag? Do you privately wonder whether she is carrying the bag or the bag is carrying her? Please do not make that woman angry, she is armed and dangerous.
In that handbag is a pair of shoes. This is because heels are not designed for these rough and dusty cattle tracks that we use between places. That pair of shoes can trek up and down the hills of mother Uganda, then quickly be stowed back into its home so that she can present herself to the world as a stylish and sophisticated woman. Be warned though, this stylish and sophisticated woman is not above chasing her offspring around with the same shoes, should their annoying behaviour become more than she can bear.

In that handbag is a half-litre bottle of water. Why? Because ‘water is life’ and she is on one type of detox plan or another that requires her to drink two litres of water daily. Never mind that this plan is causing her bladder acute distress—the water must be drunk. Therefore, please do not dare tell her stupid things like, “The toilet is locked Madam” in her hour of need.
In that handbag is an avocado. This qualifies both as a snack and a weapon- have you ever found yourself on the receiving end of an avocado seed? I guess it depends on what kind of African mother your mother was. Should you make her unreasonably angry, she will stone you with the seed.

In that handbag, if the woman is one of the more prepared ones, is pepper spray, or a sharp-pointed pen that can be used for the same purpose. If you are one of those ‘romantic’ types that like to creep up on their loved ones and cover their faces, cooing things such as “Guess who” into their ears then guess what? You might lose an eye. That should cure you of your ‘Guess who’ behaviour. We can be left guessing whether you will ever get your eyesight back.
Do you see that enormous handbag? Respect it, and respect its owner.