Excuse me while I take time to waste your time

I know this story is now off the news stand but I must have my day in this honourable court of unsolicited public opinion. So please, let me indulge my idle mind for a bit. While President Museveni was away retreating at Chobe Safari Lodge a certain weekend, his grandchildren were back here in social media town bickering about love gone bad. Grandpa, please come take these your offspring away. We’ve had enough.

First of all, we have to work to do, kids to take care of, bills to pay, the scorching sun to contend with, kikalayi chips to eat and now two children called MC Kats and Fille Mutoni to pay attention to.

What? Of course it’s compulsory to read all their social media posts and listen to TV and radio gossip about them. What kind of parent would I be if I didn’t? Plus it is the patriotic thing to do.

So Fille who we shall refer to as Lady Marmalade for reasons best known to none walked away from MC Kats who was once her skinny knight in shining armour. Many people started throwing spears, arrows and boda bodas at Lady Marmalade for breaking the poor lad’s heart when all he ever did, according to him was ‘make her who she is today, a great leggings star.
Yes, I know love is a drug, it makes you do crazy things, it intoxicates and makes you feel like fried chicken on steroids. To tell you the truth, we are all secretly insane, crazy, wimpy and weepy. But the key word is ‘secretly’.

So dear heartbroken lad, get your fingers away from your phone or whatever it is you use to make those crazy posts. Pack them up and take them to a counsellor and then march them away to a holiday destination somewhere where you are sure Lady Marmalade won’t be.Or you could simply stay here and continue ‘meowing’ about how you so loved Lady Marmalade that you gave your only begotten time so that she could be famous and successful. After all, these social media streets can never have their fill of drama.

I wish it was all an act though. You remember how we thought Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Lucky Dube, Tupac and all our favourite dead artistes’ deaths were faked? (And I swear I am not saying that Fille or MC Kats are anywhere near that league).

A section of us delusional fans secretly believed that the deaths were faked just to enable them escape the public life. But that at some point, they would come back. Remember that? Well, what if grandpa’s offspring were also playing a fast one on us?

*Flora Aduk will be back soon