Invest in extra bedding

What you need to know:

Invest in extra bedding and hold on, because when the sun shines again then the pupa that you promised to ‘love and to hold till death do us part’ will emerge as a beautiful adult

I smile when I hear my single brothers and sisters talking about how ‘married people are lucky during the cold season because they have someone to warm the bed’. Do they have any idea how short the nights are? I wish we had the option to wrap our ‘warm’ spouses tightly around us as we head to work!
The truth is, some of us spend more time fighting over the duvets, blankets etc. Woe unto you if you’re married to the sort of person who transforms into a pupa at night. At 9.50 p.m. you are chatting with a normal person. At 10.05 pm you turn and find yourself looking at something enclosed in sheets, blankets and a duvet, with only a set of eyes staring out at you. No hands, no legs visible.
It is enough to make you scream “Away from me, dread apparition!” and throw holy water at it, only for it to speak in a disappointingly familiar voice and tell you “Beatrice, stop that screaming and come back to bed. You will wake the baby.”
Now, at this point poor Beatrice has two problems.
Problem 1: She is sleeping next to a human pupa.
Problem 2: The pupa is busy undergoing metamorphosis in her very own sheets, blankets and duvet, so she is essentially facing a cold July night with only the leso her mother gave her on her wedding day to cover her.
The problem with human pupae is that they are very selfish. They are oblivious of the person next to them. If you are married to a human pupa I do not know what to tell you.
I do not know if you can even hear me above the sound of your running nose and hacking cough because obviously, you have contracted a cold. Wikipedia tells me that: pupation may last weeks, months, or even years, depending on temperature and the species of insect.
Invest in extra bedding and hold on, because when the sun shines again then the pupa that you promised to ‘love and to hold till death do us part’ will emerge as a beautiful adult, and you will forget the cold, scary nights.
Until the next cold season.