When the suit wears the man

My beloved brethren,
where I am, temperatures have been rising to 30°C and 31°C daily. In these frying-pan temperatures, my deep sympathies go out to anyone who has the terrible bad luck of having to be in a suit. I pray that soon, your bosses (and significant others) will decolonise their minds and realise that suits just do not belong in the tropics.

Besides, a very unscientific survey conducted by yours truly has proven that it is consistently impossible to come up with any creative idea while dressed in the dreaded suit. This is why most banks continue to operate like zombies trapped in the year 1909. Well, what do you expect when they are always wearing suits?

A word of advice, brethren, if you have to wear suits to work: I appeal to you, please stay hydrated. You are losing so much water as you sweat inside your little torture chambers. It is quite disconcerting to see a whole be-suited man crumple on the pavement in front of you from the sheer heat. We, your sisters, are often not strong enough to drag you to safety, so please stay hydrated and stop walking round in the afternoon while in your suits, okay? Just stay put wherever you are. Thanks ever so much.

However, my original question was— is there no suit that fits its owner? I see men everywhere looking like little boys playing dress-up. Here, a man whose hands are lost inside his enormous suit. There, a man who can fit a whole other man beside him in his suit. And just in front, over there, a man whose suit trouser is pooling around his ankles as if the ankles were being wooed by the trouser.

And the worst looking suits of all belong to our great leader; he whose wisdom is so immense that he has deemed it irresponsible to ever leave the throne. In all his official photographs, he looks like he is bending backwards. This puzzled me for a while, until I realised that he wears suits that were originally tailored for a fashion-unconscious elephant. Shame on his tailor!