When your child speaks up...

“Mummy, your stories are always the same and they bore us. Don’t you have new stories?” the girl asked.
The mother slapped her and said that the statement had undermined her parental stand.
“Never speak to me like that. I am your mother. You should always speak to me with respect,” she said.
The girl quickly apologised while her sibling trembled perhaps thinking she was next.
One would wonder why a parent would be annoyed by a child speaking their mind. Besides, what makes a parent sound or look boring to the children.

Understand the child
Kenneth Kanyeke, a children rights activist, says it is a big challenge for some parents to cope with the increasing self-esteem and confidence in today’s children. Kanyeke says parents need to understand that children learn a lot from technology such as TV, radio, phones and internet, from which they listen, hear and watch peers engaging parents in soap operas, films and cartoons.
“If you don’t have a TV set at home, you may think children do not know what happens in their community. Children watch TV on their way home or at their neighbours’ homes. They watch cartoons at school and see how others relate with parents. This boosts their self-esteem and confidence. They will challenge you and you get angry,” Kanyeke reasons.

Polite reprimand
A 10-year-old told his mother that he did not want to be disturbed because he was watching a football match.
Kanyeke says parents should always be careful when responding to unexpected, irritating and annoying statements from children since action fuelled by anger could be dangerous.
“My neighbour was shocked by the 10-year-old’s response. She kept shaking her her head in disbelief. I advised her to politely speak to the boy and tell him how she was unhappy by his reaction,” Kanyeke explains.

Read widely
Berna Nakku, a child counsellor and teacher observes that parents on many occasions bore children with old stories and riddles. This, she says, could also apply to teachers who like reading one story book year in, year out.
“The problem is that some parents want to dictate everything for their children. But when you let children share stories or when you interest yourself in buying and reading children storybooks, you will always have something new to tell them,”Nakku says.
“If an adult can be bored by repeated stories, why not children whose attention span is hard to keep?” Nakku wonders. Telling or reading to them more than one story is a sign that you are diverse and interesting to them.

Get creative
Parents ought to match children’s expectations. Parents should be creative by getting stories that rotate around things that affect children’s day-to- day life and future. The stories, Nakku reasons, should always be planned and can be particularly designed to make children be interested in a particular topic or subject.
“If you want to develop children’s morality, you must read or create stories that bring out reasons children need to be disciplined,” she advises.

“And if the story is to interest children in a subject, the stories you tell must relate and should be easy to understand,” she says.
Nakku says failure to have stories that match children’s understanding of the world around them, you will always sound boring and they will be open to you about it because you are their friend. She believes a child telling you that your story is boring means you are friends and they trust you.

“Children notice and understand whether you are friendly or rude. If you are friendly, they will always share with you what annoys or excites them. But when they challenge you and you become angry or beat them, you will have silenced them. They will never share their challenges because they think you will beat them,” Nakku adds.
Bottomline, allow children to speak their minds but with respect.

Experts say...
Kenneth Kanyeke, a children’s activist, says many children have been victimised and sustained injuries for challenging their elders. He took his neighbour to police for beating up her stepchild who said the food was bland.
“Children are suffering in many homes. Some have become ‘deaf’ because of parents who cannot accept that children know what is good or bad for them. Children are encouraged to be confident by teachers and peers and parents need to guide them but not batter them for speaking their mind,” he explains.

Berna Nakku, a children’s counsellor, says parents should be proud instead of getting angry when children tell them that they are dissatisfied with their actions or conduct. “This symbolises that your child can defend their rights when violated. But when you beat them, you lower their confidence.”