She asks: Where have you parked?

Sunday October 14 2018


By Andrew Kaggwa

If people only had an idea how boychild sits while asking a girl out on a date. See, many of these things happen over the phone, in your pyjamas on one side of the line you ask the other end; “What are you doing this Saturday?”
As you either type or ask, your legs are crossed on top of the small coffee table in the middle of your room.
And even when all you are having that particular night is wheat rolled with eggs, you will put on a commanding voice that will restore her faith in the vision 2040, middle income status by 2020 and all those other promises we have been sold over the years.
And more like that, you have a date with someone’s daughter. Unless they are busy, but with my experience, I have come to learn that good Ugandan girls do not turn down dates. If they are Christians, it feels like turning down one is equivalent to a sin. Thus, for some reason they always show up, eat the food and take the drinks only to diss everything later, during their girl talk.
But the problem of all dates is a girl that has been your ‘relationship goals’, you will try to impress and at times even rehearse the entire date, you will know when to crack your smart joke.
Definitely it has to make her laugh, think about it, you stole it from the Daily Show, and people laughed hard when Trevor Noah made the joke so who is she not to laugh? When I took this girl out, I had done much of the homework. She was not a stranger, she had been my classmate during those wild days, but then, we did not talk much. We were like ice and fire; she was a member of Scripture Union, attended all classes, bought all handouts and knew lecturers by their full name.
On the other side, I had no idea where lecture rooms were, yet fate had landed her number in my phone directory and, the rest is history.
With applications such as Uber, Safe Boda and all those fancy things our fingers can tickle, we have found ways of showing up on dates when we are not soaked in sweat.
At times we believe our dates already know this that when they ask us ‘where we parked’ as we head out, we give them that ‘do you actually mean that’ look. Some guys at times get offended and dates end on a very bad note, it is really surprising how guys hate being told they do not have cars when they indeed do not have cars.
But I remember one of Maurice’s experience, he had a date with a girl he was only meeting for the first time, he decided to wait for her at the National Theatre and that’s when she called asking where he was.
He had not imagined she would come driving. By the time he approached her car, his self esteem voluntarily took leave.
“Andrew, on our way out she bought herself airtime worth Shs50k,” he said.
When she branched to a fuel station, Maurice too followed his self esteem and like that, the date was botched; “If she had spent a ka-50k on airtime, I was not ready to pay for fuel worth my rent.”