You cannot have everything you want

Be careful: From many toys to gadgets, your child could feel entitled to anything they ask for. SHUTTERSTOCK

What you need to know:

HAVE IT ALL? They ask and receive anything and everything. But, must children receive everything they ask for? SARAH AANYU finds out.

There are many things that children do in order to get what their parents deny them and yet they feel they badly need to own them.
Thomas Okide (not real name), a student, says sometimes one cannot help it but tell lies because when you ask your parents for something non-scholastic, they decline to give it to you yet it is essential.
“It feels bad when most of your friends have something and you are the exception. This mostly applies to the electronics that are on trend,” says Okide.

Lies
Jasmine Iradukunda, a mother of four, says she does not know where she went wrong while raising her 15-year-old son. She recently found out he was telling lies to them when his father went to school to give him money to buy texts books unfortunately for him, his father encountered the head teacher who was in utter shock to know that the boy was using school requirements as an excuse to get money from his parents.
She says his act earned him an expulsion because the head teacher could not let him stay since he was ruining the school’s reputation and he had to serve as an example to the others.

“When he got home, we sat him down and asked him why he did that. he said he needed to buy a phone. Something we had discussed about and agreed that he would own one when he completes O-Level,” says Iradukunda.
She says that made her feel like most of the money he asked for in the name of school requirements was a lie and this prompted her to conduct search in his room where she found many things she neither nor his father bought for him.

Come to an agreement
Stanley Okiror, a parent, says parents should start having agreements with their children right from the time the start understanding.
“A child will grow up knowing what they can ask for, at what time and they know what they can be granted at what age depending on the conversations you have with them,” says Okiror.
She says this only happens when you make it clear to them right from the start so that you do not have to argue with them over what they already know.
Although he advises parents not to dictate on children with the guise of agreeing to something because if they feel cheated in the agreement then they are bound to find other means of getting what they want from you.

Quit making empty promises
Zamzam Ismael, a mother of seven, says it is better to just make it clear to the child that they cannot have what they are demanding for.
“I lost my husband when my children were at a tender age and managed to raise them without having unnecessary demands because I involved them in each step I took so they always empathised with me,” says Ismael.

“Sometimes the child gets desperate because of the empty promises that parents make to them and when they wait for so long without it being fulfilled, then they start looking for ways to lie to you,” says Ismael.
“Also let the children know your potential when it comes to finance, which means involving them in whatever financial decisions you make so that they can know what to prioritise,” she adds.

Right time for everything
Dalton Basalirwa, a parent and counsellor, says children just need to know when the right time for them to acquire what they want is.
“I always tell my children that the technology is advancing and there are new innovations each day so they do not need to rush because when it is time for them to get what they need, they will be the best,” says Basalirwa.
He says when they ask for anything he knows will distract them, he tells them they cannot own it until a particular age and he gives them reasons.
“I get them what they need as long as it does not affect their education and social life because it feels bad for a child to be the one always admiring and asking for things from their age mates,” he says.

He says in most cases parents need to sit down their children, let them give reasons as to why they think they should own a specific thing and they too should let them know what you think about it them you come to an agreement.
He also advises parents to help in making a list of necessities that their children need so that there is no room of complaint or dissatisfaction.
“Dissatisfaction always leads to dishonesty so if it is avoided then all the unknown desires the children have will not be ignored,” says Basalirwa.