‘Generals, not pastors, should speak in tongues’

Sunday March 8 2020


By Jacobs Seaman Odongo

Leaked WhatsApp group chat shows how NRM leaders reacted to Gen Tumukunde’s presidential bid announcement.
Beti: Is this statement I’m seeing legit?
Mulindwa: EC has confirmed. Doesn’t surprise me.
Frank: OO, will he appear on Frontline?
OO: I don’t determine who appears on that thing. Besides, no one comes with two mouths and extra head.
Anywar: Why can’t they be grateful? Is this how one should come out after he is forgiven?
OO: Why are you worried? Someone needs to break Otunnu’s record and this one looks fit for that.

Magyezi: What record? I also don’t see him in bitenge.
Lumumba: The fella didn’t even vote for himself.
Anite: People, leave matters of generals to generals.
Otafiire: Exactly!
RDC Saka: Let him not come to Jinja. All hotels here are fully booked and there’s fear of corona virus, so no permit for him.
Inno: Who added Saka here?
OO: The admin must have wanted permit to visit Jinja so Saka will be good to him.
Mulindwa: This is defamation. I could sue.
Beti: But is his bid real or just another way to look to bounce back from katebe?
Otafiire: We should not be here behaving like floating social media air balloons who claim to be experts in everything.

Nanka: True. The other day they even claimed some general had run bonkers.
RDC Saka: Not in Jinja. No general runs bonkers here.
Otafiire: Why is this annoying Saka-whatever virus still here? Who is the admin?
Mulindwa: Removing him in a bit. Kati, which general run mad?
OO: None. Airheads on social media heard that a general had boarded his vehicle while the spirits of ‘Gad’ had descended upon him and caused him to do those things pastors invented to make their followers weak in the wallet and surrender their wealth. So they went on blogs to declare him a student enrolled for a diploma at Butabika College of Mental Health.
Kania: But OO!

OO: Mbu, as the General rapped his words, concerned guards, noticing saliva fly about as he rapped, called for medical support, the social media air balloons claimed.
Otafiire has left the group
Beti: Now seen what you have done?
OO: Not to worry, he will come back when he learns that even Gen Tumukunde is just passing time.
Kania: Why do you say so?
Magyezi: There are rumours that generals are speaking in tongues so Tumukunde shouldn’t be strange to us. He knows his place.
Anite: But the other one is a pastor. He constructed a pillar-something the other day.

OO: He wasn’t in his church when social media reported that he was speaking in tongues. But Generals, not pastors, should speak in tongues. Makes sense.
Beti: Yeah, now I can understand Tumukunde.
Nantaba is typing…
Oulanyah: Wait, what is that? Did we admit ghosts on this group?
Sematimba: Hon. Sir, my results are certified. No ghosts in it, I aced it.
Oulanyah: I know. For someone moonlighting in Uganda, someone whose village is in the US, Uneb should be investigated for not scoring you A grades only. Now, back to the ghost.

Nantaba is typing…
Nanka: OO is pretending to be so busy now that Nantaba is typing.
Oulanyah: OO, what are you typing with Nantaba and why is she here to begin with?
OO: Why me?
Anywar: Well, this is awkward.
OO: Last I saw her, she was sitting behind the President in a tent. Maybe she got permission to be added on the group during that meeting.
Oulanyah: Last we saw, you two were… what is she typing that is taking so long? Is she looking for the spelling of daddy since the phone is rejecting her accented zadzy?


OO: Mulindwa, remove her before I’m blamed for whatever she will post here.
Inno: CREATE another group FOR her and Saka. They can go and chill in Jinja.
RDC Saka has left