Be humble like Jesus who never knew electricity - Umene
Uganda’s rumoured power distributor, Umene, has advised citizens to cut down on incessant whining about its services, saying the New Year and the rest of 2020 should be lived free of stress.
In its end of year message to the nation, Umene said it was “unfortunate that most consumers are now fixated” with finding faults in its service delivery to the extent that some even send teasers on Twitter to “test our social media handlers” on how they will respond.
“Uganda is moving forward. You can’t continue whining like a village woman in 1890s whose wet firewood can’t cause enough fire to cook,” the message, signed by Umene director of parody and delivered through the company’s PR agency firm, Empty Tin, reads in part.
The rumoured power distributor sent the message on Thursday on the back of winning the UN Power d’Or for its exemplary service to the nation. Sources say Umene won the highly coveted global recognition after proving that by supplying darkness to the country, it instead levels the ground for equality.
“There are two certainties in Uganda; life and death. To life is Umene and to death is darkness. Whichever way you look at it, it’s one and the same, like a child named Dick Kasolo – it conveniently translates itself,” said Mtu Tajiri, a citizen who claimed that he has had to shift from one city suburb to another while running away from “areas of Ntinda, Kiwatule, Najjera, Kisaasi, Naalya and Nsonde will not have power.”
But Umene’s Jal Aming laughed off the claims, saying the rumoured power distributor is the only other “leveller” in Uganda, a place where an armed LDU person feels larger than the Constitution and will shoot you dead for being served rolex ahead of him.
“I can understand the frustration but it doesn’t help anyone. The public should understand that when we experience technical failure, it means even those people who move with armed escorts are at the same level with the downtrodden in Katanga and Kiwatule,” Aming said in a telephone rejoinder.
“Besigye can wear all tribes of checkered fabrics and Bobi Wine can travel to Tajikistan and back but who cares? But let there be a blackout in Bunga or Bugolobi and Mbuya and you’ll hear them all humble themselves before Umene like that general who touched Kirumira’s nini.”
Umene threatened that if citizens didn’t leave the habit of “incessantly whining” on social media in 2019 at the clock of the New Year, it would return the parody account on Twitter to deal with them. The parody account was celebrated for its deadpan and deeply sarcastic responses to customer complaints. Like when a senior presidential spokesperson notified the rumoured power distributor that he was unable to find his eye glasses due to the darkness in his home, the parody account handler retorted: “Why does a whole presidential advisor live in a wetland in Namanve?”
Jal Aming called on Ugandans to live the life of Christ in 2020 and leave worldly things like electricity in 2019 because “they often disappoint and reduce lifespan by stressing us.”
“Jesus Christ didn’t even know about electricity but He went to heaven. You are here behaving like you had electricity in the womb for nine months yet we all know it is always dark in there. Don’t deceive yourself that kicking during pregnancy means the baby is complaining about darkness,” he said.
Jal Aming urged Ugandans to embrace humility as a virtue in 2020, adding that, as the country celebrates Christmas, it is cardinal upon everyone to realise that giving too much power could cause the illusion that every other person with a bulb in their house went to the bush.
The Empty Tin wishes you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
