Angry vendor threatens to enlist as LDU

Sunday April 5 2020


By Jacobs Seaman Odongo

A woman in Kumasanyalazi village in Bweyogerere Kakajo on Thursday shocked onlookers by jumping into oversized gumboots, declaring herself a Local Defence Unit (LDU) personnel.

Mama Naka said she had seen LDUs and policemen freely doing everything that President Museveni has said should not be done to combat the spread of coronavirus.

“If the virus is real, then either these LDUs are vaccinated against it or they are immune,” she shouted. “I can’t sit by idly and watch my children die of hunger yet LDUs are immune to the virus. No, I’m going to enlist.”

It took the intervention of village Local Councillors (LCs) to calm Mama Naka down. Being near Wellspring hospital also came in handy as a nurse explained to her that the virus “does not fear those electric wires and canes LDUs are brandishing.”

“But they are touching people they arrest, they move in large groups together,” Mama Naka fired back.
“Yes, because they are reckless but the virus can infect anyone. Even the president of England who rules over the whole of Europe is now sick with that virus,” the nurse explained.

She was talking about British prime minister Boris Johnson, who tested positive for the virus last weekend.
“So they don’t have LDUs in England?” Mama Naka asked as she stepped out of the gumboots that looked bigger than her thighs.


“No, they don’t. But it’s not about LDUs.”
“Then Museveni should send these LDUs to England, maybe they can help scare away the virus in Italy and America like they are doing here yet we don’t even have that thing.”

“We have it. Just that you haven’t caught it. Please, make sure to follow the guidelines given to be safe.”
“Tk-tk-tk-tk! Have you seen LDUs washing their hands? Those guys are immune. It’s a secret the government is not telling us. If by tomorrow they don’t allow me to sell my bananas on the streets, I’m joining LDU. Mpozi, where do I go to join from?”

“They are not recruiting now. And you can’t pass a military training in your shape. Just go back inside, the curfew hour is about to knock,” the LC cut in.
Mama Naka obliged but announced that she would mobilise a few likeminded women and young men to join her in walking to Kampala to enlist as LDUs if things did not change in three days.

“It’s suffocating in here. My husband makes things worse – why can’t they at least let taxis move so he can keep away from being idle like this?” she complained.
“Er, isn’t it good that he is home? You should be enjoying the most of family bonding now,” an onlooker quipped in.

“What do you eat to be so dense?” Mama Naka fired back. “I say one thing and he complains. You ask him this and he says you’re nagging. Sha! I’ve better things to do than sit around with a man who coughs and sneezes all the time while watching tasteless movies.”
At this, everyone scampered. It was like LDUs had raided the place.

I put my headphone back on and the voice crooning was saying “faute ezali na yo… olinga koloba… Opusa koloba mobali avandaka na ndako abangaka na makelele.”
It is African Fiesta Sukisa song, Sukisa Liwa na Ngai.

It says the fault is yours… you like talking too much… stop talking too much so that your man can stay home because he is scared of your verbal diarrhoea.
Museveni should do another 8pm rap counselling families to bond well and not nag one another during this stressing time.