Forget that Cabinet, here’s the one that got away
What you need to know:
- Rendition. Empty tins make a lot of noise which will very often make you laugh. Visit this page every Sunday to encounter Empty Tin and his warped ideas.
Kahinda Otafiire. Wait, he likes titles. Maj Gen Kahinda Otafiire, the new minister for East African Community Affairs.
That is perhaps the one portfolio whose head was aptly appointed. Look here, if sleep was a person, he would be Otafiire and since Otafiire is a person, he is sleep.
And the East African Community is asleep. It is a stroke of genius that Museveni appointed Otafiire to a sleeping place. Folks, you see how good you become when you shed off 30kg to weigh within your body mass index?
EAC is a dead joke. It is almost a year since two erstwhile comrades stopped talking to themselves but none of Kenyatta, Magufuli or even Nkurunziza has proposed to mediate a peace agreement. Or maybe they see in Mukasa Mbidde’s new exploits in Kigali a breakthrough? Anyway, we were supposed to be discussing our cabinet, the one President Museveni should have appointed but decided to let the country down.
Gen Matayo Kyaligonza
Some folks who watched Gen Elly Tumwine talk down Gen Charles Angina like a Boer talking to his shamba boy in Apartheid South Africa think it would have been different with Gen Matayo Kyaligonza. I don’t know about that.
What is certain is that Tumwine would have chased Kirumira away from his Nomo Gallery if he (Kirumira) reported that Gen Kyaligonza is the one who had flogged him.
Earlier this year, this general showed a Traffic Policewoman how to do her job according to his personal whims. The public went up in arms. Kyaligonza went back to his duty station. Like nothing had happened.
Well, I think this general showed that he can handle the internal affairs docket better than anyone. As interior minister, he will be in charge of police, meaning he will ensure that traffic cops know how to sniff a VIP from 100km away and send every other motorist back to their homes or wherever their journey started from to ensure that there is no traffic holdup of any kind until the big man has reached his destination. Then the rest can restart their journey.
I can imagine Gen Kyaligonza as interior minister getting angry with Bobi Wine being interviewed by Al Jazeera from France and discussing human rights issues in Uganda. He would simply order his guards to pull the People Power fellow by the ears through the TV screen in real sense.
Why keep such a person attending to Pierre Nkurunziza’s launch of beekeeping and potato harvest or his wife’s awards? Kyaligonza should be here.
Simeo Nsubuga
I checked that cabinet list 1986 times and tried once more by wearing my eye glasses upside down but still there was no Simeo Nsubuga on it. Seriously, the son of Kaguta must have a heart of stone. He is totally devoid of empathy.
Simeo cried for all to hear, that he had done so much to earn a cabinet posting but can you imagine it is Anywar and Kamya who get the chicken thighs just because they decided to jump on the speeding presidential motorcade through the windows of FDC offices in Najja?
As police mouthpiece, Simeo used to rap his speeches. And he was damn articulate. Imagine this fellow as government mouthpiece. He could convince the country that humans have one eye and that the second is just a reflection of the other, now imagine him explaining human rights issues in a CNN interview.
Kakooza Mutale
Remember him? Maj Roland Kakooza Mutale, the eccentric man who reigned terror on Ugandans with his Kalangala Action Plan. For Chrissake, we need him back on the scene.
This man was so dedicated with his kiboko that he beat the living daylight out of men but the Kibuules just came around and slapped a few women askaris in a bank and jumped the ministerial queue. Is this how loyalty should be rewarded?
Mutale must be feeling, that feeling that only this other general chilling and watching some old fashioned movie from his farm in western Uganda knows about.
