Mbabazi returns NRM register
What you need to know:
- Rendition. Empty tins make a lot of noise which will very often make you laugh. Visit this page every Sunday to encounter Empty Tin and his warped ideas.
Leo is not easy. He knows cows don’t talk. Walls do. So he decided to meet his former right hand man Amama Mbabazi from a farm in Kisozi, Gomba District. To jog your memory, Mbabazi and Leo have known each other for close to four decades.
However, some years ago, Mbabazi decided it was time he also took over the steering wheel. But Leo was still enjoying the driving seat, so the two fell out like two children fighting over a toy in a playground.
The fall-out was so bad that continuing the analogy of two children on a playground, Mbabazi is said to have hidden the toy (party register) and refused to hand it over. Consequently, Mbabazi was kicked out of government and defenestrated from NRM party. He left with his entire family. No one in NRM cared about that. The back and forth that followed was one of the biggest stories of the decade.
Tempers between the two former allies flared and when they cooled they decided to ghost each other. If you have ever been ghosted by a former friend you know how ridiculous it feels.
But that was until that day on the farm. There were no walls but lots of cows and one fat envelope. In Mbabazi’s hands. The former PM grinned from ear to ear, flashing his kazigo to the cows who acted nonchalant.
Now, everyone has been undoing themselves over whether the envelope contained petty cash (in our government, petty cash can be as small as Shs4b) or some manifesto. Someone going by the name Claire on Facebook claimed it was VIP tickets to Kanda Bongo Man’s New Year concert.
Another chap on Facebook still, Louis Nyangau, declared he was in Kisozi at the time and that the envelope contained the business class ticket that was used to deport Yvonne Chaka Chaka. And then this dullard boldly declared it was Fox Odoi’s account of events leading to Chaka Chaka’s alleged deportation.
I was about to move on knowing Ugandans can make up things more than myself making this up when this cheeky chic came in with a ribald one.
“I can assure you that Mbabazi is financially stable. That envelope contained a calendar showing when Leo will retire but, most importantly, his visions for the next 16 years,” said Namazzi Ampaire.
Under normal circumstances, there would be a fly on the wall to leak the detail to us but there were no walls as I said earlier. Only cows with horns so wide apart the kazigo on display was looking like a mere flossing gap in the dentition.
Without a fly on the wall, we decided to use raw human intelligence. It worked, if you doubt confirm with Tamale Mirundi.
Attempts to get them to return the register were futile. As party officials calibrated their tongues and gritted their teeth, it emerged that a money lender was in the mix of things.
Arvind Patel, a money lender the kind that is making Dr Elioda Tumwesigye send SOS letters to Leo, lent NRM Shs440m at a monthly interest rate of 15 per cent in June 2010 to compile the party register.
At the time these fellows gave their cows a break to fight over the party register, Patel was demanding She4.5b.
And to make matters worse, Mbabazi’s boy Aine was recently cuffed for behaving like street version of Jose Mourinho. So Mbabazi took the register back along with strategies to defeat Bobi Wine.
Don’t wait for Mbonye to tell you that Arvind Patel will be paid his money. However, the Ugandan prophet wants to explain why Nantaba was in attendance during Kanda Bongo Man’s meeting with Leo, then he is welcome. Could she have been given a job as the chief herder in Kisozi?
