Mediating Barbie-Owori talks turns into nightmare for Lokodo

When the devil defeated Fr Simon Lokodo and allowed ‘sex-sex’ to go on in Jinja (his own words), he quietly recoiled to suck his thumb. We have been wondering if Lokodo even goes to work anymore or is too afraid of Nyege Nyege organisers. Can you imagine he has not even said a thing about this girl who recorded a video of herself threatening to prove to the son of Kaguta that the mouth is more than just for eating?
Well, worried that Lokodo was slacking on the job, we headed out in our imaginary world to find him because there was a matter more urgent than joining the Ministry of Tourism to tour with Zari. After hours of wild goose chase, we finally located Lokodo in a city hotel.
Lokodo was kneading roasted groundnuts in his palms to remove the outer layer and then he would expertly toss a seed at a time into his mouth using the tip of his index finger.
“Yes?” he looked up and peered into my eyes like a surgeon trying to remember whether he had forgotten a scalpel in the body of a patient during surgery. I briefed him about the ‘attack’ on Barbie by Owori and indicated how it was generating a lot of vile comments on social media.
“I guess you want me to put their skirts to order,” Lokodo joked and suggested I call up Barbie and Owori since he was a bit bored given that there were no more sex tapes doing rounds.
First to arrive was Owori. She was in the company of two wannabe PLTs [pretty little things] and a shabby man. The two pretty little things were all the while on phone. Minutes later, Barbie hit the hotel lobby accompanied by a woman who carried a huge bag.
By this time Lokodo was done with his Gnut tossing Olympics. He asked what the issue really was and Barbie explained that she had been invited to speak on issues of women at a geopolitics event and Owori had taken special reservations and questioned if she was the most deserving to speak on women issues in Uganda.
“So that was it? Did you have a problem with it,” Lokodo asked.
“Actually…” Barbie was cut short by the huge-bad-woman. “It was a jealous old woman with her future firmly in her past with vile attack on a young woman like Barbie whose future is bright,” she said.
“You shut up, they didn’t ask you,” retorted one of the PLTs with Owori.
Just then, six other girls walked in and joined Barbie’s side. Lokodo looked at me inquisitively but I could only shrug my shoulders.
“So that is her [Owori]?” one of the newcomers asked her colleagues as they giggled. Owori started to explain where her criticism of Barbie’s participation was coming from. But she wasn’t going to finish.
“You’re really evil. How can you envy a fellow woman to the extent of trying to pull her down?” another newcomer shot.
Owori’s side warmed up to this. One of the girls unleashed a staccato of words in Luganda. Then addressing Lokodo, she talked about some organisation and whatnot. I was trying to make sense of things when several fellows joined in, some standing behind Owori, others taking their place behind Barbie.
“Young man, I asked you to call two people, you keep adding more. Are you guys going to play American football here?” Lokodo asked. I was starting to mumble something when a suited fellow behind Owori said Zuena and Daniella knew their place and weren’t jumping around with political excitement.
“You dare compare Barbie to Zuena and Daniella?” one of the girls behind Barbie said.
“For the record, Barbie is a better half, some others are just housewives,” another said.
“Go and Google ‘better half’. But let me help you; it means ‘behind every successful man there is a woman,’” added another.
“Barbie helped shape Bobi Wine into the force he is today. Whom has Owori shaped?”
“You make more noise than rice birds, eh?” said the shabby guy behind Owori. “Sly redefined fashion in Uganda.”
“Wapi, she was just after…,” shouted a voice from behind Barbie.
“You’re stupid like your grandmother’s hen that couldn’t lay eggs,” retorted a voice from Owori’s camp.
I turned to look at Lokodo but he was not there. I craned my neck to check around, but nothing. Lucky enough, several hours later, I hit Facebook but there were no posts about Barbie and Owori fans fighting at a hotel. Guess they shouted themselves hoarse and went separate ways.