Tax whiners to make Uganda richer than Scotland

Sunday March 1 2020

 

By Jacobs Seaman Odongo

Ziz York, a British aid worker, recently put her children’s whining to rest with a simple equation. The aid worker had her two children accompany her on a trip to Uganda to see first-hand how everyone reading this right now grew up happily without Xbox or a trip to Disney or even underwear.
It worked.
It leaves me wondering why Doris Akol keeps whining about low tax base. Akol should think like York and just be pragmatic. How will we explain to our ancestors that technocrats who sat in the tallest building in the country couldn’t see what to tax? The excuse that the building was being flooded from top floors wouldn’t even bail a pig’s tail.

If these taxmen can’t see from that high, maybe the rumour that they are in charge of police CCTV cameras holds.
The cameras are always off or something whenever a whiner is bumped off, leaving People Power swearing pepper and farting weed without much success either way.

According to Uganda Whiners Association, a loose grouping with membership in every household in the country, we should be very worried because Afande Enanga of Uganda Police Force now has the biggest budget for toners in the country, thanks to the rapidly growing demand for press releases explaining murders and Opposition arrests and whatnot.

“The other day Enanga was in the bathroom whistling a tune in the shower when he received a call. Because he doesn’t carry his office secretary home, that day he had to type while taking the shower,” said whiner, who explained that police had acquired waterproof laptop inbuilt with a scanner and printer for Enanga so that he can produce a statement anywhere and anytime.

How is that even possible? I think we have taken the whining too far. I won’t be surprised if Leo revises his weight loss story and blames it all on whiners.

Can you imagine whiners saying we are back in the Swine era just because people are still being gunned down accidentally? At least we should appreciate that the bodies of those killed are there for all to see. And mourn.

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A sick form of accountability, granted, but at least this kind of accountability appears to be the only thing still working in the country.

Many years ago, victims just disappeared never to be seen again. Families of victims had to flee into exile to avoid a quick rendezvous with their missing loved ones set up by the chief swine.

It is said that being a swine, the ‘above’ of the time loved animals in real sense, unlike this one who just claims to be a spotted vegetarian feline without canine.

Because the swine of yesteryear honestly loved animals, he ensured they were well fed. So it goes that the crocodiles in the rivers didn’t hear of animal poverty because they had regular supply of meat.

Those crocodiles must be wondering how a country that fed them regular meat due to abundance could be so poor that former colonialists use them as specimen for teaching poverty to their children.

Anyway, nowadays we all see the bodies. Police even contributes toward burial most times. When the victim is prominent, their orphans are promised support from above. Those who are kidnapped and killed, their bodies will be found by police.
We should be grateful.

Empty tins is a satire that makes a lot of noise which will very often make you laugh.

editorial@ug.nationmedia.com

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