Uganda has achieved middle insanity status - World ‘Bunk’

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The World Bunk has declared that Uganda has achieved middle insanity status, at least six months earlier than the projected 2020 timeline.
According to the aptly named Krist Alina Grave, the World Bunk chief executive, the milestone was not surprising given that the Nyeremu steady progress mantra has been on course for years.
Alina Grave, who did not appear to know the direct translation of her name in the local dialect, drew the attention of the packed audience at Serene Hotel to the traditional past that has become the yardstick for comparisons.

“In 1986,” she said and paused for effect, “Ugandans were so miserable, the economy so bad that no one celebrated when even their worst enemies died. They would be busy worrying about their own tomorrow.”
No one laughed. No one seemed to understand.
“However, now the economy has grown and everyone is madly in love with the government,” she said, emphasising the word ‘madly’ and using her Bulgarian accent to make it sound like the entire 44 million population was living in Butabika.

“So, I was saying, in 1986, Ugandans wasted time mourning for the dead enemies and rivals. You even paid respects to departed swine. But there is no time for misery now; Ugandans are so happy they celebrate the death of their rivals.”
Alina Grave reminded the audience that the Bunk’s metrics show that it is only in Uganda that the people are so happy that they celebrate the death of innocent children for their parents’ perceived crimes.
None of the other regional countries came even half close to achieving the illustrious socio-political and economic status and Ugandans will especially take pride in having got one over nemesis Rwanda.
Finance and Economic Plumbing minister Mat Ka-man did not waste time rubbing this in.

“There are those who close borders and doctor their status,” the minister said. “They achieve things via PR but for us we are economically practical. Just check Facebook and Twitter and see how Ugandans are united in discussing and celebrating death to toddlers.”
The Bunk, in its report on the region, said Kenyans were very good at arguing and fighting but they unite in grief, while Rwandans “are too docile they might never achieve the middle insanity status unless NASA discovered another planet in the oceans.”
“The Bunk noted that there was nothing to compile on the status of Tanzania as they are trying to lead a recluse lifestyle. We didn’t even bother going to Burundi,” Alina Grave added.
Commenting on the report, the government spokesperson, Off Open, said it was a hallmark of the fruit of the liberation.

“Now Ugandans can believe what we have been saying. It’s steady progress,” he said. “It’s even more important that this report is coming at a time of the manifesto launch, so we are going to achieve more and more because this government is here to make everyone happy.”
The timing of the report couldn’t have been more serendipitous to Ugandans who are still smarting from celebrating the drowning of toddler twins whose only crime was being born to a 1986 minister. With all sense of morality and empathy being achieved faster than Umeme will ever reduce electricity bills, the report indeed paints the mirror image of the state of the country.
Meanwhile, a bunk is a long trough for feeding cattle.
Whether this definition takes your mind to western Uganda or keeps it in Kamuli has nothing to do with the fact that we are worse than animals now.