The much-anticipated Bombardier jets for Uganda Airlines have already given their first interview even before they touch down and experience the fireman’s salute at Entebbe International Airport, the Empty Tin can exclusively reveal.
Speaking to us from Quebec, the CRJ900 jet said it was both happy and sad to serve the people of Uganda, describing Ugandans as “the most hospitable people you can ever find since the word was invented”.
“It’s such a terrific privilege to serve Uganda and its hospital people,” the CRJ900 said, before reminding the people not to expect too much and make comparisons to the defunct national carrier.
“I won’t be anywhere near the Uganda Airlines from the swine era. That one was sent to meet its creator. Any comparison that makes it look like there is a facsimile between us will not be tolerated,” it warned.
However, it appeared then that the jet was trying to avoid what it had suggested earlier by mentioning sadness. So Empty Tin probed and reminded the jet that however scared it was, the inevitable must be confronted head-on, like Manchester United did going to Barcelona just so Leo Messi can make a dummy of its stars.
“There is no VAR in aviation so any Tottenham that goes up might not survive the cutthroat competition in the skies, but Ugandans have absolute faith in you,” the Empty Tin said.
At this, the jet shed a tear and flapped its wings across its chest. It was like a Disney scene only that we were live on UBC.
“I was very excited when I heard that the beautiful national colours of Uganda would grace my tail, but can you imagine what the dummies tasked with the job did?” it said.
“They painted the entire flag on me. This is zero creativity, I expected some subtlety and that’s it.”
Baffled, the Empty Tin asked how having the literal definition of “flying the national flag higher” on its tail would affect its functions.
“Ugandans translate every phrase in Luganda so that flag was expected. You should be happy the designer didn’t bathe your entire fuselage in the national flag,” Empty Tin said.
“Yeah, right. But you know what?” the CRJ900 posed and paused.
We waited for it to continue, but it took its time like an orator waiting for the message to sink.
“One day, there will be a national mourning and flags will fly at half mast in Uganda. How do these designers expect me to fly high with the flag on my tail like that?” it said suddenly.
Explaining further, the bombardier discussed patriotism and how it calls for respecting national events, sad or joyful, adding that having the complete flag would be a travesty flying on a day of national mourning.
You are just a plane, why go to such mundane detail? The flag and mourning is often political with nothing worth talking home about.
“Anyway, let’s assume that Ugandans are just dull with creativity so that they can’t see how other airlines do their thing… even mere buses, they can’t brand. Did you see the Uganda Cranes bus branding? I tell you, it’s first class embarrassment.”
“I hear you, mate,” Empty Tin enthused. “But your goal is to fly not to look lovely in the sky. As long as you are flying, just expect those in charge to avail travellers.”
“Like I have a choice! I’ll fly, sure, but it’s going to be lonely for me up there flying without passengers on board.”
The interview was taken off air at this point, allegedly, on police orders as they thought Besigye would be mentioned.