Why locusts should be very afraid of Uganda
What you need to know:
- Rendition. Empty tins make a lot of noise which will very often make you laugh. Visit this page every Sunday to encounter Empty Tin and his warped ideas.
Recent events in the country spell doom for the notorious desert locusts if they dare swarm the country.
They say lightning does not strike the same place twice. After the 1986 invasion, it is unimaginable to see another swarm of locusts in the country, not when we are being reminded of how powerful the empire is.
In fact, if the desert locusts forgot themselves and thought that the excitement they had in Kenya can be wrought upon us, they would be in for a rude welcome. With a few threats on Twitter, this general who has never fought any war will neutralise the locusts.
The poor things. I am told they are yellow, and that they have insatiable appetite for everything they see. Now Mama Fiina should use her abilities to speak to the spiritual world and alert the locusts to the fact that the architect of POMA was last week seen enjoying PDA with generals and top 1986 brass.
According to the politics of hugs, smiles and salutes, Amama Mbabazi is back in the fray. Just in time, as the locusts will testify if they dare enter Uganda.
POMA does not allow any meeting involving 10 or more fellows without permission of the IGP, with exceptions for those who belong to the 1986 breed.
The upside of Mbabazi return to the dining table is that Mama Mabira, the woman who sold him to Ugandans as the perfect joint Opposition candidate to end the empire in 2016, is at large. Eating too.
The thing is, Mama Mabira hates anything that tries to destroy the greens of this country. She would rather the Acholi people gave their idle land for making more green vegetation like sugarcane. Now imagine locusts invading Uganda at a time she has more powers under her armpit to tackle issues.
Mbonye might not have said this, but the fact is that I foresaw Mama Mabira singly fighting the ghost-like locusts the moment they touched on our lush vegetation. I don’t see any chance for the locusts here unless they are just passing en route to Khartoum where they will be airlifting Omar al Bashir to complete his ignominious meditation at The Hague.
You see, while still intimidating his people, Bashir used to find solace in flying to Kampala for wines and spirits that he would stock in his cellar.
Rumours suggest that the locusts could be trying to sniff around for chances that Sudanese generals who sneaked into the country the other day under the guise of meeting with Benjamin Netanyahu could have deposited their bald human cargo for safekeeping in Kampala.
Bashir, the locusts insist, must go and face the ultimate African despot’s ignominy.
Meanwhile, there were grumbles in the corridors of Cabinet when some breed of 1986 wondered why politically overzealous fellows were not deployed to tackle the locusts their own ways so the money can be used for more arcades and palatial mansions instead.
It is said that this other newbie minister, who is reported to have demanded that all local government employees either support the 1986 invasion or resign, could actually apply the same vigour and stance against the locusts.
Why go to so much troubles of spraying and deploying battalions on the poor insects when there are first-time ministers eager to show their loyalty to the big man? These ministers are too anxious and eager to work that they would find instant solutions to dealing with the locusts.
Pulling and going to the bush, these are pronouncements that can send locusts scampering back whence they came from. Locusts will think someone is threatening to go to the bush and pull their legs. Just like we do here.
