Take time to talk to your children

During this holiday, amidst the merrymaking, parents should make time and talk to their children about school. Many children find it hard to volunteer information unless someone asks.

Talking to your child about school shows you are interested in what is going on in their life. Additionally, it helps you understand what is expected of the child at school, how your child is progressing and also helps you identify challenges they face. This can help you identify problems way in time and helps you work along with your child in overcoming them. Also, when you talk to your child, you are able to emphasise your family values such as respect for others, friendships, relationships, and others.

Make time to talk
This can often be when you are doing a chore or relaxing together. For instance your child might like to talk when you are driving in a car together or preparing a meal together. Remember to give them your full attention if she wants to talk with you.

Start the conversation
Any parent will be tempted to start by asking a child the commonest question, “how was school?” But this question is so broad and children almost always never give a detailed response but instead opt for, “it was fine” or “it was okay” answer. However, it is best to ease the child into the conversation by asking non-school related topics to warm up the child into talking more. Watch out for visual cues your child might give off that indicate they are not in the mood to talk at that time.

Ask the right questions
Use a mix of both closed and open ended questions in your conversation with your child. If you can answer a question with only a “yes” or “no” response, then you are answering a closed-ended type of question. Open-ended questions are the ones that require more than one word answers. An example of closed ended question could be, ‘do you like the food at school?’, while an open ended question could be, ‘what fun things did you enjoy at school?’ Open-ended questions are a more preferred option as they require a lengthier and more in-depth response from the child.Communicating effectively about school goes deeper than just asking the right questions. A good conversation helps children see that parents care about their lives, that they are there to support and to help them develop strategies for solving problems themselves.

Show interest
Take seriously whatever your child tells you. You can say things such as, ‘that’s really interesting. Then what happened?’ or ‘And how do you feel about that?’ When you talk about the school and teachers with or in front of your child, use respectful language. For example, ‘Yes, Mr Watulo seems unfair, but perhaps you do not know the whole story’.

Stay connected
Staying connected with your child can help you balance respect for their independence and privacy with your need to keep in touch with their life. It can also help you pick up on the moments when they are ready to talk. For older children, remember to try focusing on future plans. Ask about links between schoolwork and future plans; look out for signs of problems. Even if you usually have a good relationship with your child, they might not always tell you when they are having a tough time; stay calm around tricky topics such as sex, alcohol, secrets. If you are not comfortable speaking to your child about certain topics or if your child does not want to talk to you, try talking to other adults who know them or even contacting the school or other appropriate professionals to help you talk to your child.