First things first. I’m an atheist but I believe everyone has a right to worship Kibwetere or Balaam, or simply believe in God by following the teachings of Elvis Mbonye, Robert Kayanja, Joseph Sserwadda, or even Jacob Oulanyah.
Oh wait, the latter is not a pastor but a legislator who makes a bow tie look as cool as McDonald’s moustache in that famous KFC poster.
That said, a few weeks back, this guy Elvis Mbonye took to writing like the one who is said to have written many epistles that make up a chunk of the number one bestselling fiction, aka the Bible.
Mbonye’s letters share a similarity with the said Apostle Paul, who is widely credited with up to 13 books of the New Testament.
The authorship of some of the Pauline Epistles, especially the earliest extant Christian writings, are disputed by many scholars. And just like that, when Mbonye took to writing about this and that, scholars on Plot 1, Zuckerberg social book, went in overdrive.
“You saw how Mbonye was fidgeting on camera the other day, so how do you expect him to even write two coherent sentences?” one said.
“That’s Kabuleta writing for Mbonye,” another declared.
“To be sincere, he surely wouldn’t be the one writing but just using Kabuleta’s talents. Kabuleta does everything and is the man behind Mbonye,” an addicted scholar said.
So Mbonye stopped writing. However, to keep the noses and ears of the social media scholars twitching, the guy has decided to make his hairstyle look cool by releasing pictures of himself in some cool tight-tops.
A scholar only identified as Martha said Mbonye was wearing an ill-fitting “blouse that is too small” it made him appear muscled in the chest region.
“It was bought for him by Kabuleta. Let no one be deceived, we know Mbonye can’t do anything for himself,” a scholar announced on his Zuckerberg hotline.
And that is how the said prophet released more images of himself, this time sweating it out in the gym.
Aesthetically speaking, Mbonye’s hairstyle actually looks cool sitting on top of that well-muscled bodyline.
I won’t be surprised if my boss attempts to pull off that hairstyle, never mind that he is balder than an anthill.
“Wapi, you’re totally ignorant, Seaman,” said a scholar.
“True,” another quipped in.
“Seaman has become so weak as if someone has kneaded his gonad. How can he not see that it’s Kabuleta doing all that?”
Now this was the clincher. I admitted they were right, a bait to make them explain to me how Kabuleta was doing the gym workout for Mbonye.
“Dude, if those are not photoshop (dishonestly edited pictures), then trust me it’s Kabuleta’s body in Mbonye’s excuse of a skeleton,” the guy said.
I was more perplexed than Magufuli finding papaya positive for Covid-19.
The scholar explained that Kabuleta had entered Mbonye’s frame to give the prophet an athletic body.
“How?” I asked.
“Man, camera tricks,” he said.