Kampala City’s most redundant landmarks

Usipite Hapa, screams the signpost planted right in the middle of the island on Jinja Road between Jinja Road Police and Kabushenga’s empire. Obviously, KCCA is forbidding trespass.
But trust Ugandans, a man was casually crossing right past the same signpost. Perhaps he doesn’t click Swahili but then given how a typical Ugandan behaves, I wouldn’t put it past stupidity.

Do you need a signpost shouting at you “don’t pass here” to understand that the greens on the dual carriage way islands are not walkways?

Anyway, I pitied the signpost, just like I pity these other landmarks…
Jubilee Gardens
Twenty years ago, Sheraton Hotel built metallic perimeter fencing around this leisure park that was donated to Ugandans by the Mehta family.

This place is serene with many trees giving ample shade.

It would be the ultimate leisure spot in Kampala, but you can’t access it without going through Sheraton askaris and most likely if you entered there announcing you were going not to the hotel but the park to chill, you would be denied access.

This place reminds me of the vice presidency. We all know it’s there and grand in every way possible. But we also know that it’s as useless as an appendix.

And to complete the uselessness of this landmark leisure park, you just have to look at the many totally idle monuments and that bridge.

Yes, while the guys who grabbed that park had enough clever to not fence the Independence Monument within, they took with them the Impala, the symbol of Kampala, and other monuments and an amusement park inside.

To complete the uselessness, there is that bridge that connects Grand Imperial Hotel to the Jubilee Park. I have seen people undergo appendectomy (surgical removal of appendix), I wonder when we will do our ‘bridgectomy’.

What is the use of planting maize if it can’t be eaten? At least we have reconciled with having a VP there.
Traffic lights
These things are all over the city. Once KCCA convinced us they had upgraded the lights. Billions of taxpayers’ monies was dipped into the project of installing traffic lights but what do they do anyway?

Every time I see these traffic lights, I’m reminded of the Health ministry that has a PS that is all over the place without anyone understanding what she is doing that the line ministers wouldn’t do themselves.

Having traffic lights and then cops, LDUs and KCCA whistlers is like having Dr Jane Ruth Aceng, Dr Diana Atwine and Moriku and whomever all doing the same thing.

But we are used to these too. There is even a new budget coming up for repair and installation of more of these traffic lights. I guess even the Health ministry PS has a budget for being around and around.
City Square
This one is like Dr Kizza Besigye. It seems to have a very good intention for the people but every time it tries to let the people make the most of it, police swoop in and block it.
Recently, half of it has been open to the public, the other half remains for marabou stock and tired, hungry cops and LDUs to use for neshing or parking their riot vehicles.
Parliament
What do they do in there? Our Parliament is no different from African traditionalism. Like witchcraft. Some say it works. Others rubbish this. But everyone believes it is there.

Yes, Parliament is there. The Speaker is there. The MPs are there. Just like witchcraft is there. It’s all down to one’s belief. If you believe Parliament, the Speaker and the MPs are actually doing something in this country, then that is it. If you don’t, then you are right, too.
City clocks
Now this is very important. I want to write all sorts of drivel about decorative watches but the city clocks are mostly dead so they don’t give me time.

Just like I have run out of time and space here.