If you’re an important Ugandan, why let the world know about it?
A few months ago, an important person showed up at a doctor’s clinic in Kampala. He had no appointment. To see this particular doctor, largely because of the nature of care she dispenses, one needs an appointment. It does not matter who the hell you are.
While the facility is high-end, it does not deal with emergency cases. So there is no reason for one to not make a booking. Of course, someone may not know that an appointment were required, but once told accept the condition.
Not our important man, complete with an idiotic distended stomach. He got angry because the doctor told him he would not be attended to because he had not made a booking and, besides, there was no empty slot he would take.
“Do you know who I am?”
“Mine is a small problem, you will be done quickly.”
“I need to go back to office, I have a meeting in an hour’s time.”
“Young lady, I am old enough to be your father.”
Unmoved by the man’s airs and paternalism, the doctor, who is the said young lady, told him to get lost. She was calm but ensured there was just enough sting in her voice to de-wing the important man — deposited to the clinic by a large car bearing government plates.
Some of the most annoying Ugandans are people chauffeured about in cars with government number plates. These are invariably people important enough to merit a government car to go about important government work.
These Ugandans are always in a hurry.
Their cars drive the rest of the motorists off the roads. The big skirts and shorts must be conveyed to their destinations in the quickest time. Us the unwashed must not delay them. The slightly more important use police lead cars. The others simply create new lanes where traffic is slow moving. The irony of driving a government car while trashing traffic rules is something strange to these strange creatures.
They are always in a hurry yet they rarely show up on time for meetings or events. The point of the hurriedness, I don’t get at all. And, oh, if they must zip across town with ease, wouldn’t it make sense for them to use their big offices collectively to fix congestion in a place like Kampala?
Not quite. These are not committed public servants. They are busybodies. And they seem to be unaware, wrapped up in their self-importance as they are.
It is not just government people lost in trifle. I know of that third-rate academic who insists on being addressed as Prof Eng Dr XYZ. The slightly less coy will go with Eng Dr XYZ.
Demand that the rest of us address you as Prof XYZ if you are actually teaching at a university. Use Dr ABC if you have a PhD or you are a medic. Use Eng OPQ if you are crazy, otherwise avoid it. Ever heard of Lyr Friend for lawyers? Or Tcr Mwalimu for teachers?
It is not important to wave your qualifications in our faces. What impresses is the quality of man or woman you are, the professional you are. Better to say simply: my name is Kabalega Mwanga Gipiri. Then get on with the business at hand. Once we see that you are very good at what you say or do, we will want to know who the hell you are in terms of book learning and stuff like that.
About six years ago, I appeared on a talk show with a somewhat prominent pastor in Kampala. When I addressed him as Pastor Muzukufu, he cut me off: address me as Pr Dr Muzukufu. I refused. He got angry.
The pastor is not a medical doctor, so I could not use the title. His arguments suggested his doctorate, which could have been honorary, was of the dodgy kind. Again, I could not bring myself to say: Dr Muzukufu.
The honorific Mr was good enough. Even thieves deserve it. But Uganda does not allow these things because every other person sees himself or herself as Prof Eng Dr Al-hajj Rev Fl Capt Someone Important.
Oh, and need I say the highly acclaimed lady doctor who told off the big man rarely self-addresses as Dr Expert Consultant. Her work, which she goes about with diligence and panache, says it all. And she is still on the safe side 35. Hope never dies, not even in Uganda.
Bernard Tabaire is a media trainer and commentator on public affairs based in Kampala.
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Twitter:@btabaire
