She wants me to do better at sex

Sunday April 30 2017

By Joseph Musaalo

She says I need to up my sex game. I’m afraid she might cheat. AK.

Dear AK, usually women are afraid to tell their husbands issues pertaining to sex. If your wife is bold, then she is interested in you and is willing to rectify the challenges. Could it be that her request is too big for you? Sex-related problems among couples sometimes depend on reasons that have nothing to do with the affected spouse.

Apparently, there seems to be a likelihood of dissatisfaction on your wife’s side. AK, Sex is a gift from God for the married (Hebrews 13:4). Therefore, as a gift if not well handled, it can go out of control. As such, your wife has equal rights to that special gift (sex) just as you do. Sex should be discussed between the couple openly, to ensure that both of you benefit from it. And in case there are issues that are beyond your capacity, then you can seek help from professionals such as doctors (if the problem is physical) or sex-therapists if the problem is psychological.

First, listen to your wife. Find out from her, how best you can improve on your bedroom ministry. She, I’m sure will be in position to share with you where you need to improve as long you do not go on the defensive trying to justify your ego.

Try as much you can to create for her an enabling environment to be able to freely discuss with you, bedroom matters. Refrain from judging her because she too could have a problem that she may need help from the professionals mentioned. If you shut her down on such an important topic to both of you, you will have done her disservice making her not to open up to you or any other person for help.

Yet this could be something to do with your foreplay to be able to put your wife in the mood first or it could be the way you approach it, but because you did not give her the opportunity to discuss it, she will keep it to herself and suffer silently, which is not good.

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Joseph Musaalo is a counselling psychologist

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