How do I tell my husband I saw him masturbating?

Thursday March 5 2020

 

Dear Heart to Heart, my husband and I have a healthy intimate relationship but recently I found him masturbating. We have not had a discussion about it yet but I am wondering whether I am not woman enough for him. Should I talk to him about it or is it normal behaviour? Anonymous

YOUR FEEDBACK

Joan Musoke. That depends on a variety of factors you have not spelt out. If you often say no when he wants sex, this is how he is coping with that. Bringing it up is likely to get an angry response, especially if you are suggesting he should not be doing it. On the other hand, if he often says no to you, then this is a real problem. If you want more sex and he is masturbating I think he needs to be asked about it.

Mathew Mukasa. But, you are married to this man. You must be able to talk to him about anything. Do you believe your husband masturbating is wrong or a sin? Maybe you could ask him why he is masturbating. And at the same time, tell him how knowing he masturbates makes you feel. Open and honest communication is the key to a healthy relationship or marriage. I believe you two need to talk a lot more.

Jane Ngozi. Not sure how long you have been married or how old you are but communication is best. Honesty is best as well.
Moses Ojambo Odwori. This is an addiction which is hard to break. Do not tell him openly because he will feel guilty and wonder how you saw him. Without blaming him, try to find the cause of his masturbation. He might be watching porn videos or reading pornographic magazines.

David Musoke. Never tell him because it will destroy your relationship and since you did not find him with another woman, I think it is best to just let it go.

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Drake Tumwine. He might have started masturbating long before you met and, therefore, it is a problem that can be cured by being friendly to him and occupying his free time. It is an addiction and you have to help him out of it with a lot of kindness and understanding.

Michael Obai. Religious beliefs aside, scientifically, it does not cause any abnormalities. Psychologically, it can reduce one’s longing for a partner for sexual satisfaction which can cause problems in marriage. Talk to your husband and find ways to helping him.

Nante Kisa. Usually the addiction grows due to the content one allows to get printed on his mind by watching pornography, then one tries to get what he thinks he is not getting at home and it develops into an addiction. Through prayer and counselling, he will be able to change.

Pamela Licoru Smith. I do not see anything wrong with him masturbating. Sometimes in marriage people have different things that pleasure them to bring out satisfaction.

Anthony Muzito. You are a great woman and enough for him. He needs support to get over it. Do not scare him by just coming out to ask. Take your time and find the best place and time to talk to your husband without being judgemental.

Victoria Allen. A marriage without communication is already doomed. This is a question that you should not be asking. You should be free and talk to your husband about anything. Maybe you should first fix this problem then find a way to talk about your husband’s behaviour.

Jade Kazibwe. Before talking with your partner about masturbation, reflect on and assess your fears or concerns about this topic. Are you feeling insecure because you are concerned that your partner might be dissatisfied with the sex in the relationship? Or are you feeling concerned that your partner is no longer interested in having sex with you?

Harriet Nakazzi. You might be surprised to find out that your partner has been waiting to have this conversation with you as well but did not know how to bring it up. Give him time to reflect on what you shared and his feelings in response to yours. The conversation could also create a wonderful opportunity for you both to discuss your mutual expectations about sex and masturbation. This can be a step in boosting communication in your relationship.

John Maswiri. Firstly, I would like to say that your husband masturbating does not mean that you have failed him as a wife. Like any other addiction, even when he gets the most satisfying sex from you, he will still want to masturbate. After talking to him about it, seek the services of a counsellor.

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