Whoever said marriage is easy lied, but not entirely

Thursday June 11 2020

 

By Christine Nakalungi

Marriage is an end game for some people and a fantasy for others. If you have never dreamed of being married, you are one special human being, especially in this era where one needs a partner for so many reasons including companionship or procreation and besides no one wants to grow old alone; unless you do not mind speaking to the walls and calling 911 even for a headache.

The wedding is the easy part of marriage I must say and the rest after that is determined by how much work you are willing to put in. Remember this is a human being raised from a different background and maybe even culture. You met and regardless of everything, you two fell in love. The courtship is the honeymoon part if you are to think about it.

You rarely fight and even when you do, you have time and space to either break it or apologise and make up. You could get into an argument on the first night of your honeymoon but then it will be late to just walk away and this will just be the beginning of so many days together.

You can choose to be a nagging wife who forces your husband to fake a headache every night in order to avoid you or you could be the stingy husband who makes his wife wish she had stayed at her father’s home. And as you are still figuring out which kind of a spouse you want to be, the babies are likely to start coming. And then you will get lost trying to figure out how to clean up as you train your children to read. You could be a bad spouse and be a terrible parent but all that is in the eyes of a pessimist who keeps telling people that marriage is hard.

Marriage does not have to be hard because the two of you survived courtship where everyone had a chance to quit. Life is hard but just a few people give up on it, so is marriage. It is what you make it. Your spouse will be happy or sad depending on you. Complicate your marriage and the harvests will also complicate your life. Some people will claim that some spouses will break your heart regardless of what you do, it is true but how sure are you that you did the right things and treated them right?

You know it is so easy to think that you are treating someone right until they tell you or someone else how they interpret your actions. For example, Thomas always earned more money than his wife Beth but when his contract ended and he was devastated about finding another job, Beth offered to take care of the bills until he got another job.

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She felt like she was being the supportive spouse that her husband needed and yet Thomas was telling his friends about how she humiliated him, “Does she think that I am incapable of taking care of my family? How can she humiliate me like that?” He said. And for weeks he gave her an attitude and poor Beth was confused.

What he forgot was that any woman who loves her husband will have done the exact same thing. Men should learn that in marriage, each partner looks out for the other, the reason a number of problems get solved so easily. Do not sit up there on a mantle and refuse your partner’s help because then you are saying you do not need them anymore. Do not create tensions and problems where there are none. Enjoy your marriage as God intended it to be; two people having the time of their life.

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@kalungixtyn

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