Dear lover, comparison is not motivation

Thursday November 22 2018

You will have to call on your arsenal of social graces when you go out. It is no joking matter.

Your spouse is not always the best but do not dare make a mistake of reminding him/her that the neighbour is better than him/her  

By Christine Nakalungi

Comparing your lover to someone else with the aim of challenging him/her to adjust their behaviour is opening your relationship to sickness, which might even lead to its death. There is a saying: “The fastest way to kill something/someone special, is to compare it/him/her to something/someone else.”
The seed of comparison is mostly sowed by parents who keep comparing children. “How could your baby sister perform better than you?” Teachers in schools water the seed and it germinates as a child grows up. So in most cases, comparison might not come with an intention of hurting the other person but to inspire him/her to up his/her game.
Your spouse is not always the best but do not dare make a mistake of reminding him/her that the neighbour is better than him/her. Your ex perhaps might have been gentle and generous and maybe your current lover is everything else but those two characteristics, kindly keep your frustration to yourself or find a better way to convey your message without bringing contrast unto the table because this will not yield you any results. As a matter of fact, it is a thorn that will pinch deep into his/her heart and soul that his feelings for you might even die a sudden death.
So, what should I do if I want my spouse to pay more attention to his hygiene without hurting his feelings? Well, Google will tell you many ways but the only one you should avoid is comparing him to his neat friend, brother or even your father.
My girlfriend is beautiful but her sense of style does not match up. I would prefer if she wore more classy and elegant outfits to match her beautiful face and great personality. Maybe you should take her to a beauty salon one day and give her a makeover. Take a few photos and show her the other idea that she might never know exists. If she is the kind who pays attention, she will listen to the silent call other than complementing every colleague you meet while on a date with her.
All in all, it is good to know that there is no one who is perfect. Trying so hard to change someone to fit your liking is like robbing them of her individuality. A few things such as hygiene, bad fashion can be fixed but expecting an introvert to become an outgoing person might cause more harm than good. Like Mark Twain said, comparison is the death of joy” Avoid it if you can.

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