Dear Heart to Heart, I am an entrepreneur in my late 20s. Seven months back, my childhood friend contacted me on Facebook and we started chatting. Although we had not been in touch for a while, she is now proposing that we get married. However, I earn seven times more than her and she has made it clear that she wants to live a luxurious life. Her social media feed is full of photographs of her during expensive holidays and I wonder how she affords it. She belongs to a middle-class family like mine and whenever we go out, I foot the bill. Is she in love with me or my money? Anonymous
Winston Zepher Obeka. Who is proposing marriage here? In African context, it is the man who proposes marriage to a woman. Accept that marriage proposal from your childhood friend on condition that she pays dowry and brings marriage gifts to your parents instead. If she objects to that, then let her take it easy and relax. Take your time and study her so that you make an informed decision.
Nampa Patience Natie. You can clearly see that she is after your money. Just after a few months of dating and she is already asking for marriage? Take your time. Do not be rushed into doing something you will regret later.
Jane Nabanakulya. I understand that you are worried if she really loves you or is she interested in your financial status. It can be a little confusing to judge someone from what they post on their social media. I would suggest that you spend some time with her and try to understand her better. You can always clarify your thoughts with her. You can share about how you would want your relationship to go ahead and speak about shared responsibilities. This will give you a better understanding of her true intention.
Charles Latim. Love has always been about the money. If you have the money, women learn to love you regardless of your appearance and lifestyle.
Muzaale Jackson. I like her because she has been honest with you and set her terms and conditions before she gets married. It is now up to you to also set your terms and conditions, or simply agree to them.
Ssembajjwe Geoffrey. Just evaluate the relationship. If you put more in it than she does and puts no effort in enhancing her investment into the relationship, then your operating at a loss. Contribution is not only money but working ideas, skills and enhancing your efforts.
Kimbugwe Philip. Love is like driving a car and as the driver, you can take the relationship in any direction. The love she will have is the love you have cultivated and earned by your words and deeds. Try to teach her your ways, values and future goals. Do not be indecisive, let your yes mean yes and no mean no in your conversations.
Michael Bwalatum. She loves the liquidity of your wallet more than she loves you. Therefore, try control the flow by tightening the tap of your wallet as you observe whether she will still keep pushing on for marriage.
Wante Davis Samuel. Do not entertain broad day robbery. She is not interested in you but your earnings. She is not your type nor is she marriage material but only interested in hanging around men whom she thinks may help her explore the world. Look beyond sex and be patient for the right person.
Anek Harriet. But you already have a biased mindset that she is after money and luxury. Follow your heart but from what I see, the whole affair is coerced. The feelings are not mutual.
Monica Nahabwe. She loves both you and the money, only that money has a greater proportion of her love. So, if you love her, go ahead but know that without money, she will leave you.
Zziwa Hassan Rakeem. Of course in love there must be some expenses to cover. If you truly love her, you should not care about spending money on her.
Otim Sam. She must be in real love with you. But the question is; can’t you keep your money and have full control over it? Set a budget for what she loves, but there should be a threshold, let’s say of 40 per cent. Do this for as long as you are together while making good savings of your money and see if she will stay for mores years.
Phoebe Miriam. Your childhood friend just got in touch and is now proposing marriage....really? From your narrative, you do not love her. Her insatiable lust for money will soon turn you off and ensure you divorce sooner rather than later. She does not seem to really love you either. Marry someone who your soul desires, a woman who will bring out the best in you and make you happy. Do not make an emotional decision. Let her go and continue searching for the right person.
Lois Nakibuuka, freelance counsellor (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Take time to study her
Dear Anonymous, why do you think she loves you for money? Sometimes our inner feeling and conscience is right. However, you need to make further research about her before you make conclusions.
Do you always chat online or meet physically? While she is your childhood friend, there could be a lot that has changed in her life so you may need to know her current behaviour and perspective on a number of things. You may have to meet her in the real time other than the past. Randomly ask to meet her at her workplace, with her friends, at church or home.
You will be able to judge her character when you meet her in the different spheres of life. This will help you make an informed decision of who she really is. Also, be sure that you are not overridden by paranoia because she is unable to foot the bills when you go out.
Generally, before you consent to marriage, it is important that you do thorough research about the person with whom you plan to spend the rest of your life with; who they are in terms of character and also have clear intentions for getting married. It should not be about living a luxurious life but rather a life of commitment and responsibility. If you have doubt about her intentions and your feelings, take more time and study her behaviour.
Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka