Forgiving a cheating spouse is harder than you think

Thursday March 19 2020

Most people will be fast to tell you to forgive

Most people will be fast to tell you to forgive your spouse because they ‘only’ cheated on you. Shutter Image 

By Christine Nakalungi

“I cannot stand his compliments anymore because they sound empty. I smell her perfume on him every time he bends to kiss me. I keep imagining how she held him and what she did that I do not. When he lies down next to me, is he thinking about me or her? I wish I could shut down those voices, but they keep echoing in my head. I am suspicious of every woman who comes near him. I am willing to let him stay in my life but not as a spouse but as a friend and father to my children,.” She calmly said as the room of elders went quiet.
Most people will be fast to tell you to forgive your spouse because they ‘only’ cheated on you.

“Move on, at least they apologised” some will say, and others will incorrectly attach it to culture saying, “No man belongs to one woman”.

People will quickly give you a number of reasons why you should forgive them and perhaps you should but the real ghosts of adultery are not just because he broke the vows but the reality that they shared intimacy that is only meant for the two of you.

“I wish he never told me why he did it. I was wrong to press him for an explanation, but I deserved to know. I curse the day I caught him. I can talk to him regarding anything else but intimacy with him is like being in a deep valley of dry bones. We all hope that we could turn the clock and make better decisions but no, this is reality and not a soap opera. This is my life, and this is my daily dilemma."

"Choosing to stay with him will forever torment him and I will only bury my soul because deep down I want to revenge but that is not who I am. So, instead of him turning me into someone that I am not, I am willing to start afresh and walk a different path. Loving again might not be an option because so many people have told me."

“All men are the same” and whether this is just a line people use to keep women in bondage, I believe it now and I never want to go back to this painful situation. Please let me go, we all know you only go out to eat because you are either too lazy to cook or tired of the same menu.” She turned and looked at him with swollen wet eyes.

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Cheating is never just sex as most people claim. I do not care how you were raised but sex should be intimate and shared only with someone you care for deeply. If you decide to cheat, do not hold your spouse hostage, expecting to be forgiven just because you have apologised.

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