Last week I sought advice on how to advise a friend or sister who wants a child but does not have a husband. Well, one person shared an experience that I know happens to a number of women. “I thought by having his child that he will marry me.” She narrated.
Apparently she had heard about how much her boyfriend wanted a child. He had mentioned it a few times and she hoped that by giving him a child, he would marry her. When she told him about the pregnancy, he was excited. He made sure that she is in good shape physically and medically. The way he showered her with love led her into thinking she had finally trapped him. She waited for the proposal but it never came.
However, she kept her hope alive and assumed that maybe he was waiting for her to give birth. When the baby was born, the excitement continued. Not for her though, just the baby. All the man’s attention was now on his child.
One weekend when the baby was eight months, he asked her to pack the baby’s bag and milk bottles. He wanted to take the son to visit his mom. “What about me?” She asked hoping that he would invite her along but he did not. He wanted to introduce the son but not his mother to his family.
When she insisted that he couldn’t take her son on a long trip without her, he got so angry and decided to explain why. “I am a married man. He is the son, I have never had.” She sat down in disbelief.
For all this while, she had fallen in love with a married man. As she was still thinking about it, she realised that she was not just a woman who had a child out of wedlock but a mistress too. This was never in her game plan. All she wanted was to blindfold this man into marrying her by giving him what she thought he wanted most.
He won because he had achieved his goal but she lost miserably. How could she explain this to her Christian parents who were not happy about her decision to get pregnant but after the baby was born, they were so in love with their grandchild that they did not crucify her anymore.
Had she known about this man’s plan maybe she would not have fallen prey but she thought she was better at her game. Pregnancy is a wrong way of getting that ring because if he does not love you enough to marry you, nothing will change his mind, not even a child.