Dear Heart to Heart, I have been married for nine months and have observed that my husband is overfriendly with every woman. Whether it is his colleague or friend, he flirts with all of them. Sometimes, the conversations turn embarrassing for everyone but he finds them funny. When we had an argument about this, he politely explained that there is no hidden agenda. Even if it is healthy and platonic from his side, I am not okay with this behaviour. How should I explain this to him? Anonymous
Jane Nabanakulya. If you want your husband to stop this behaviour, you need to show him the reaction and discomfort of other people. At this point he is resistant to seeing your perspective because he might be feeling that you are being over-possessive and are trying to restrict him. He is unable to see beyond that, and is viewing it as a hindrance in his social connections. However, confront him in a way where there is an open conversation. Do not make it a blame game. Also, show him what is actually healthy flirting and try to set some mutually-acceptable boundaries.
Onenchan Jamtho Fred. Your feelings on this might not be right or important at this time. Please first sit down and think about it before you decide to confront your husband. Sometimes, you should avoid such arguments especially when your husband has not given you a reason to distrust him.
Antonet Cuthebert. Marriage is good and enjoyable when both husband and wife are on the same page. Try also flirting with every man you find. If he thinks it is wrong, then he will also be forced to change.
Felistar Aguti. I think you rushed into this marriage and are now finding out things you should have discovered while dating.
Jos Ethan. I do flirt with a lot of men with no hidden agenda too. It is healthy and sometimes even fun. Although I am not married, I do not think it is a big deal even when you are. Just love your husband.
Nampa Patience Natie. You need to sit down with him and explain how you feel about his behaviour. I think it shows disrespect more so when it is done in your presence. Try asking him how he would feel if you were to do what he does with other men. He needs to realise to what extent such flirting affects not only you but your marriage in general. He cannot make a change if he doesn’t know how you feel.
Runtown Moxie Cent. It is high time you get to you are your husband better since it seems being friendly is part of his lifestyle. So, learn that this is who he is and do not try to change him or else he turns into someone that you will not like.
Moses Earthe. Courtship was the period you should have used to understand your husband better. Now accept him the way he is.
Phoebe Miriam. The truth is flirting is part of cheating whichever way you want to look at it! Would he have played it cool if you flirted with every man you came across? Sit him down and make it clear his behavior is disrespectful and embarrassing and it is affecting your relationship! If he truly loves you he will be forced to change.
Richie K. Ludwig. That is his personality. Why are you trying to change him? Get used to him that way so that you avoid causing friction in your marriage.
Alowooza Anthony. Just clean-up your mind about your man’s friends. Otherwise, you will lose him if you continue with this distrust.
Balance Beauty. Didn’t you guys date before getting married for you to notice this? Or you thought marriage was going to change him? People should learn to start using their courtship wisely. Such issues should not be arising just none months into your marriage.
Gerald Klain. I have been in this kind of hellfire before. The best you can do is to run away as fast as you can because believe it or not, he will not flirt with 20 or 40 women without falling in love with one.
Joseph Kizito Lukyamuzi. That is just his nature and I am pretty sure you will not change him. Good thing is, he does not intend to cheat on you. However, if you cannot stand his behaviour, back out now. Otherwise you will always have doubts about him which will affect your marriage in the long run.
Grace Byakutaga. Talk to your husband about how you feel and together you can come up with ways to sort out this issue. A problem shared is a problem halved, good luck.
David Nakabaale. His openness about flirting sends a hidden message of trust, in a weird sort of way. I think he trusts you enough to get your attention in this way. So, instead of condemning him for flirting, you might want to be looking at your marriage; it is not performing as it should.
Evelyn Connie Kharono,
Counselling psychologist Talk Therapy Uganda
Analyse yourself as well
Dear Anonymous, could it be that you are being more critical now that you are married? It could be the case that you were completely in love while dating that you missed that detail.
However, if it is a completely new habit, then there is need to analyse not just him but also yourself because he might be using it as a coping mechanism. For example, you might be coming home with a lot of work or are too serious lately that he flirts to make up for it.
Then you might want to wait for a calm time when say, you have gone for a cup of tea and put your feelings across. It is important that you bring it out in a calm manner so that he does not feel attacked yet be able to see your point hence change.
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