I petitioned for longer skirts

Thursday November 8 2018

A lady in a mini skirt

A lady in a mini skirt 

By Eugene Mugisha

There are these two women who work a few doors down the corridor. I do not like them because they are always moving up and down the corridor. Besides their sharp clicking heels, my desk is positioned so that I can see them every time they pass. I think I would be very furious with them if it was not for their short skirts.
I particularly like girls in short things and high heels. So naturally, when I hear any of them coming, I look up. Sometimes, it is the one I call Fred - for no particular reason - and sometimes it is Miss Ugly. Miss Ugly is actually found to be very beautiful by most men in the office, and many of us have tried to ask her out. Naturally again, she refused because apparently, all the men in that office are jokers. So, I named her Miss Ugly out of spite, and the name kind of stuck.
So, when I hear heels clicking in the corridor, I look up hoping to see Miss Ugly’s legs. Once in a while she catches me at it, and looks away haughtily, like she is too good for people like me. Once, I made a throat clearing sound while she was passing and she walked straight to the HR’s office and filed a complaint that I make signs and innuendos that are suggestive.
Fred on the other hand just glares at me. Once I was tempted to ask her what her problem was. But as I started talking, she walked away as if she too is too good for me. And yet I feel that I am too good for her, and unlike her friend, I would not even be seen hanging out with her. I know they despise me, yet I have never done or said anything more than try to hit on any of them.
So for the past three weeks, I have been trying to come up with a way to show them who is boss.
I quickly decided that their skirts were too short and were compromising the working environment. I went to HR and reported this. Next Monday, a memo went around re-emphasising the dress code, and specifically highlighting clothes that exposed a lot of skin. I was thrilled inside, knowing Fred and Miss Ugly would be pissed off. But they were not the only ones; I joined a group of men in the cafeteria who were cursing whoever had complained to HR and made Miss Ugly and Fred have to wear longer skirts. Apparently, it is the short skirts that made them come to work day after day.