Dear Heart to Heart, Months ago I fell in love with a single mother whose daughter lives with her paternal grandmother. I am a graduate and she is a diploma holder in nursing, although currently employed as a hairdresser. Although she is very loving and mature, I have received criticism from my friends, saying she is too old and not my type. I truly love her but am I being blindfolded by her love that I am failing to see what my friends see? Please advise. Anonymous
Arap Md Kips. If having a family is important to you, then this is something to consider when dating an older woman. She already has a child, which will restrict spontaneity and you will not always be the priority in her life. Similarly, if you dream of having children of your own, a mature woman may not want to revisit that part of her life. Think about what you want from a long-term relationship and check that your values are aligned.
Emmanuel Mukama. But you have already seen what your friends have seen. When dating an older woman, it is important to bear in mind that you may be at very different stages in your lives. You are still in school and have a long way to go to establish your career. She, on the other hand, may already be settled, financially secure, maybe even a mother. Try to establish what you are both looking for from the relationship in the early days, so you can be sure you want the same things.
Jane Nabanakulya. An older woman will have learned from her experience and be wise to any tricks. She has heard all the tired chat-up lines and stories, and can easily spot if you are anything less than genuine. If your intentions for dating an older woman were sincere, you will not have a problem. She will appreciate you for who you really are and be honest with you too.
David Mukasa. Not every mature woman is looking for a long-term relationship with a younger man. She may be just looking for a fling with someone carefree who is not looking for something serious either. If this sounds good to you, go for it. But if you are looking for something a little more serious, make this clear from the outset. I
Jos Ethan. A little age difference is okay provided she is not much older. Follow your heart and you never know you might find happiness with her.
Namatovu Winnie Jhf. Your friends will not be with you and will have nothing to do with your marriage. This is a decision that you have to make on your own.
Xera Ahimbisibwe. These are matters of your heart and what you think is good for you. Whether she is old, young, big, small, educated or not, the fact remains that you have to make your own decision. You should not listen to your friends regarding this matter.
Phoebe Miriam. From your narrative, you do not truly love that woman. Love covers a multitude of wrongs. If you truly loved her, you would have ignored whatever your friends are saying and not asked this question.
Kawuma Henry Lafayiri. The ultimate decision depends on you. What you should know is that love has no age limitations. What I see is that it is you who seems to be getting cold feet.
Lynn Kemires. Your friends do not decide your happiness nor run your home. Grow up man and run your love, heart, house the way you want and not on your friends’ terms.
Nampa Patience Natie. Sometimes, other people think they know what is best for you when they hardly know what you want and what makes you tick. You alone know the kind of woman you want and who you believe you will have a great future with. If you feel she has all you need in a woman, please go ahead and date her. You deserve the best and you should strive for that.
Milcah K. Many other factors will make a relationship fail but age is not one them. First and foremost, you need to take your friends out of this relationship and talk to your partner about each and everything. If you say she has all the qualities you want in a woman, then what is creating all this insecurity? The problem may be stemming from you and you need to get a grip on yourself. Do not use your friends’ interference as an excuse to end the relationship. Man up and take a decision before doing something that you will regret in future.
Peter Nsokwa. There is no smoke without fire. Maybe your friends have seen something that has scared them and got them worried about your future. Sit down with them and talk through why they think she is not good for you. If their reasons are genuine, then it is up to you to investigate and make a decision.
Counsellor’s say: Lois Nakibuuka is a counsellor who also specialises in counseling the deaf Observe carefully
Dear anonymous, it is true that the longer you live the more experiences you get, which may subsequently shape your mindset and behaviour. Naturally, you would expect an older person to act in a more considered manner.
The question is if it is deliberately manipulative or genuine. Time and careful observation usually reveals all. Ultimately, it is up to you to give the whole situation time as you study the woman’s behaviour in light of your friends’ concerns.
Often times, people consider education as defining your status in society. Could it be that having a diploma and being a hairdresser may perhaps be the reason why your friends feel she is not up to your ‘standard’ in society. However, life has various twists and turns and the status of the person now is not necessarily the same in the future.
Opportunities avail themselves and this lady’s education and work may change one day. Besides isn’t what one does with their education and the money they earn what really matters? Think about it.