Dear Heart to Heart, My man takes care of his children and I but he cannot allow me to go with him to a party or in any other public place. We have not even had sex in a long while and he does not want me to get close to him. He rarely receives my calls. I am now very confused. Is he the right man? He has even blocked me on Facebook. Should I quit the marriage?
Precious Naturinda. Analyse yourself, your body scent, looks and character. What has changed? Many women have a tendency of not taking care of themselves the moment they get married. They look shabby, disorganised and careless thus losing their attractiveness.
Jo Shuga. My advice to you would not be for you to quit the marriage though sometimes, it might end that way. If I found myself in this situation, I would get a life and stop tagging myself on his. Stop calling him. Stop minding him. Take care of yourself. Do things that make you happy. Pick hobbies. Do not get naughty but just be happy. Men do not like to see that.
Phoebe Miriam. Your husband has a mistress whom he loves so dearly that he does not want her to see him with any other woman! Are you legally married or just cohabiting? If you are just cohabiting, please stop wasting time and allow yourself to meet another man. One closed door means another has opened. Someone out there is waiting to show you love.
Kalembe Olivia. Wait and give him more time. What separates a wife from any other woman is that a wife endures it all. Do not involve your children. They should believe that their father is the best. Most men are unpredictable but with time they come to realise you are the best woman.
Julius Elimu. You report the matter to his parents and let them call him and you sit down together and talk. It is from this meeting that you will know his position. If he tells his parents that he has lost trust in you, then you can now make your own decision.
Deogracious Ngwabe. You need to know that once you get into marriage you become one person. So if that man behaves like that, he does not love you. Just engage him and discuss the future of your marriage or else opt for a divorce since you have stronger grounds such as desertion and cruelty.
Kasule Alonso. This man is taking care of the children because it is his responsibility but not because he loves what he is doing. Find a house and move out but after talking to him. Do not divorce but live separately and see how things go.
Carol B Cartnel. The best way you can attract someone’s attention is by ignoring them. But for the marrieds, you might not completely ignore your spouse but do not give him much attention. Master these: train yourself to care about yourself, look and smell good, catch up with friends for a movie or comedy show, be happy, go out with friends. Rejuvenate life in your home. Perhaps your spouse no longer finds you attractive or interesting. So, do not get low esteem and desperate but up your game and sit and watch him crawl back to you. Please do not ever think about quitting marriage over such a trivial issue more so when you have children. No retreat, no surrender because it is mostly women who build or break our homes. Be a fighter, not physically but emotionally and intellectually. You will win.
James Buyinza. The fact is that there is no relationship that survives without communication. Meaning if you no longer talk as a couple, there is no love in the house. I am saying this because communication is a big principle in marriage.
Jolly Twinomuyambi Kabazirwe. It is a pity but give it time. What I ask of you is to continue being yourself. Play your part, be a good wife, pray for him daily, continue treating him as your husband. Trust me, he will come back to you asking for forgiveness. Do not leave your children behind because they have only one mother.
Atwongirwe Shallon. Just give him time, do not force yourself on him. Do what you can to make yourself happy. This is not the end of your world. You may find he is an obstacle to you. Stop crying because God created you for a purpose.
Ruth Ishaku. Do not worry, just continue in prayer in your ‘war room’ it is not ordinary. God will break the spell. But do not ever let it cross your mind to quit, it is never a solution. Just create a good environment for yourself and have fun with your children. He will surely come to his right senses.
Joan Sempa. Kneeling always makes you appear desperate. Love and believe in yourself. Keep yourself busy and stop focusing on him. Get a day to talk about what you feel and if he ignores your words, keep your head high. Keep yourself busy and engage in things to make you happy. But remember, a year spent in unhappiness will never be recovered so think about the future.
Onyema Allen. First find out why he does this. I am sure he has his reasons and if he is not willing to change; accept it. As long as he loves his children and he is not beating you, that is enough to make you stay. Think about your children. Their happiness is to see their mother and father your grudges do not concern them. Love yourself and be happy. Do not wait for him to give you happiness.
Dear Ruth, It is possible to bear children with a man who is not your friend. As long as he provides for you and the children, stay in your home. He may not even have another woman but may have discovered something unpleasant about you and it is disturbing him. If you work, do you help him in any way? Because women take it for granted that a home belongs to a man! Are you clean enough? Do you cook well? Are you economical with items? Who are your friends? This is a good man and do not provoke him! You may not be his happiness but you can live together for life as long as you understand him. Thank God he loves his children!