Pursuing a ring verses having a child

Thursday April 4 2019

If you had a chance to advise a desperate

If you had a chance to advise a desperate sister who is left with the option of waiting for a husband or just aiming at having a child, what would you say? 

By Christine Nakalungi

She watches the clock ticking every year as she celebrates her birthday. Science keeps reminding her that at a certain age, she might just be too old to give birth and even if she won’t scream to the world that keeps reminding her to get married, she sometimes gets a panic attack which might push her into ignoring the whole ‘first get married’ mission and just go straight to conceiving and having a child. Whereas most women will not submit to this pressure, it surely does happen. You do not want to be an old woman in a labour ward, and the fact that marriage might never come your way might push you into focusing on what you might control.

Being a mother is not just a status quo but the pride of knowing you brought forth a life. It is fulfilling. It is something most women desire. This is what pushes so many single women into trying to get a child if they cannot get a husband.

Whereas it is against our culture and beliefs to have a child out of wedlock, this does not mean that someone will not feel this pressure and be tempted to go this way. I eavesdropped on a conversation where two sisters were trying to get a solution to their childless lives. “Artificial insemination?” One suggested but the other chased the idea, saying: “what if the child grows up and wants to know who the father is? I do not want to have a child who does not have an origin or belonging.” After a few minutes of silence, they both agreed that it would be selfish to use artificial insemination to get a child from a random sperm donor.

They thought of tricking some men into falling prey but this too was dismissed. You could tell that they were desperate for an answer. They even suggested of shamelessly asking their exes or friends to bail them out but all suggestions seemed fruitless. Sadness filled my heart as I heard how desperate they were.

Life can surely put you in a desperate situation where you cannot find a way out. I wished I had an answer for them or maybe if I had super powers, I would have promised them that everything was going to be alright. That maybe their miracle was just around the corner but by the way they sounded, they had given up on the wait.

They were ready to take their lives off the stall of waiting for Prince charming to come and save them from their sorrow. Then I thought about a few friends of mine who might be swimming in the same pool of anxiety and emptiness.
If you had a chance to advise a desperate sister who is left with the option of waiting for a husband or just aiming at having a child, what would you say?

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