She has refused to use contraceptives

Dear Heart to Heart, My wife and I have been married for eight years and we have three children. We had agreed that based on our income, we should have only three children. However, after giving birth to the third child two years ago, I asked her to consult a doctor on the best birth control method we should use and until now she does not want to. She insists that we only use the natural methods and for me I do not find it effective compared to using contraceptives. What should I do?

Priscilla Emmanuella. How about you go for a vasectomy if you are really interested in only three children? Or you try the easier way of withdrawing though not 100 per cent effective. Contraceptives affect women differently some negatively so I understand her point of view.
Mutatina Peace. Why don’t you also go for vasectomy if you are truly her best friend? Do you know the effects of the contraception you are talking about? She suffers from carrying your children to risking her life in the delivery ward and you want her to also suffer in the life hereafter? Use condoms.

Nafuna Safia. Men do not know what women go through with contraception. She will even lose her urge for sex and you begin suspecting she is being promiscuous. There are other ways than the so called contraceptives. If you are really comfortable with three children then go for vasectomy you yourself.

Ahaisibwe Innocent. Consider using a barrier method as you observe her period for at least for six months. Then consider visiting a family planning clinic together and get educated more about the calendar method as it’s a choice of her preference.

Edith Nabuzana. What makes you think contraception is a women thing? Do not be self-centred, discuss a method which is convenient for both of you.

Julie B Kwagala. She has given you three children, now it’s your turn go to the doctor and get a family planning method since you do not want more children. Go for vasectomy or be the one to swallow the pills!

Agaba UG. I do not see the reason why most men stress their wives with contraception. If you need it go for vasectomy.

Kyambadde Moses Ssalongo. Instead of making her use contraceptives which she has refused because of complications that some women experience, use condoms which you can control.

Ssemakula Andrew. Since her period is irregular, the natural family planning cannot work. It only works for women whose period is regular. You can use emergency pills for now.

Counsellor says - Lois Nakibuuka
Find out her reasons first

Dear James, your first step to finding a solution would be finding out why your wife does not want to use the contraceptives. She could be afraid of their side effects or it could be due to religious beliefs. Perhaps she wants to have other children (in spite of your agreement).

Agreeing to have three children could have been the logical thing to say at that time but that may not be her heartfelt desire and she has no way of communicating that to you. Alternatively, she may have changed her mind about having only three and want some more children.

Natural methods of family planning may have no side effects but are unpredictable because she may have an irregular menstrual cycle. After you work out what her reasons are then you can map out the way forward. Being tactful while finding out the root cause is very paramount. When you are discussing this situation, listen to the unspoken message she speaks and this will also enable you to make the best move. - Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka

Next week’s issue
I am 50 and searching for love. Issue is when the public sees a 50-year-old they despise them and call them weird saying at 50 one must be already done with matters of love/sex. And then some men come claiming they need love but in exchange for your support saying we are already past the age of being given support and only need to be given a good time. Are there men out there who can love a 50-year-old?

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